Sunday, March 18, 2007

BRATs. Our journey. Insanity.

Due to over-whelming requests and the love I have for all of my new found BRAT-ians, I've forced my ass down to blog about all the insanity we share at camp. Speaking of my ass, I seriously think it has grown wider and flesh-er since I've came back from camp. And also my double-chin! I discovered it yesterday after cam-whoring and nearly rammed my car into the wall but didn't because I don't wanna die with MJ and have all our blood mix together because I hate him and also because I love Hiro who's sitting right behind looking so cute and innocent and all and because again I can't let Lindley die with me or.....I dunnno lah...

BRATs. I feel so pressured to write this. It's like every single word I typed will be stared at and analyse a million times in everybody's head then spat out right into my face.

First thing that struck me was - there were 40 Jessica(s) there.

It's like the usual noise pollution index in school would have about 3 or 4 Jessica(s) out of 30 BUT HERE -

I was totally lonely while waiting to board my plane. Peeped around to see if anyone has the BRAT face. There's a guy my age standing there alone! It must be him! Lifting my heavy steps while I rehearse in my head how I would greet him " Hey! You shall be lonely no more for Jess the hot babe is here! " Until I was two steps away from that guy suddenly this other guy swooped in and kiss the BRAT-like guy on the cheek and went " I'm feeling hot. Let's go cool off in the restroom. "

Obviously that was my lame attempt to catch your attention.

Anyway. Nothing special happened when I was boarding the plane other than the apek behind me yelling loudly in hokkien. I felt so lost. I'm all alone. What if someone notices and rape and murder me the moment I landed. After all alcohol is so cheap they can just douse me in it and wait for me to burn to ashes which will be carried away by helangs all around.
Solution - I walked very closely to that hokkien speaking apek and nod pretending I was deep in conversation with him.

That apek became my best friend on the flight. He complained about everything. From how thick the air-stewardess make up was to how difficult it was to use the toilet.
It's AirAsia for God's sake.

You can't imagine how relieved I felt when we landed. However, this apek refuses to budge until everybody leaves so he can still enjoy the last few minutes of air-cond. I didn't really mind although everybody who pass by would give me stares like - 'Why this weird looking girl is not leaving the plane?' It was that moment, I met my Joshy for the first time! He walked past. Stared at me a bit with that perverted look. So I started pretending I know the apek again. And fortunately he walked away.
Well, at that time I thought it was extreamly fortunate cuz' who knows he might turn out to be America's Next Top Serial Killer.

Jess with ANT serial killer looking like ANT down-syndrome budak.

Joshy baby turned out to be one of the cutest guy I've ever met in my entire life. Cute as in personality le... All through the trip he was expressing his jeaously toward Eric aka Hiro Nakamura who's getting all the hot chicks' attention. Josh is from Klang and from an ALL BOYS SCHOOL. Thus, we forgive him for being so LOA. After all, his entire life, he has only been getting attention from guys.

Cut the part when I took the cab alone to the hotel and prayed SO hard the cab driver wouldnt take me to some bushes along the road and rob, rape, murder me and feed my luscious flesh to helangs. I'm damn freaking paranoid la..

Our workshop started off earlier than scheduled as some of them have been waiting for hours. Why so crazy take MAS and wait for hours??!! We played some usual ice breaking games and took a group picture together which was featured in The Star which was pretty awesome considering EVERYBODY here is such a cam-whore.

Attack of the CAMWHORES.

This is the ultimate proof of cam-whorers.
And I have very nice teeth.
Crap. Please avert your eyes from my double chin.

So when we finally sat down thinking we have a moment to rest, drink tea, chit chat like aunties, out came these 2 dudes. They were distributing papers asking us to sign a petition to stop rapid development in Langkawi. Turned out to be a sham. Impromptu test for our interviewing skills. Ivy and Rubin must be laughing their heads off. Hard to imagine though.

The first people that I really talked to there was Ken and Lyn Li during lunch.
Ken first words -
"Omg. I can't believe they gave this hotel a 3 star rating."
" *pokes and stabs food with fork* Omg. Is it soft enough for my braces?"
"Omg! You're from Seafield! I SO LOVE THE GUYS THERE!"

There you have it. My best friend at camp. My Kenalicious Bootylicious Babey. He's one helluva a friend, the same way he described me. hehe

Kenalicious & Jessielicious

My beloved group named ourselves N.U.T.s
As in Narcissistism Unites Teenagers. And you can't deny the strong sense of narcissism felt in camp. *Proudly flips hair like sunsilk ads wannabe*

Roomies - Janelle, Kavidha, Joshin

Beach time's myfavourite although I join in complains of how hot it was and what the hell the seniors made us do during scheduled, labeled,"LEISURE TIME". We got flour stuck everywhere. On our shirts. Pants. Panties. Whatever in on our body la.. My luscious locks became one big lump of chunky hair yuckness. And the flour all over our faces made us look like cocaine addicts.

We got the first night off early but I really couldnt sleep. I walked around the room. Drank water. Went to the toilet. And walked around some more. Doing all of that while on the phone with my beloved. Sadly my roomates are fast asleep. Wondering which mental hospital did Jess came from. I paced around the room talking on the phone til' 1am I think. No one called me to go out...... And I woke up like 5am. Paced around some more. Bath alone and was extremly scared. Scared suddenly discover one hand behind my neck. I wondered what the latch on the shower door was for. Like if got rapist intrude then they can't rape but can only look at you is it?

Assignment in the fishing village. And yes. My group is the one who talked to the girl with tsunami premonition. Her name is Suhana and she's my age! She told us the waves was as tall as the coconut tree beside us, about 7metres, rubbish was strewn all over the place after the tsunami happened. And it hit me how real the tsunami was because you really don't realise how real the tragedies are when you watched them on television. Later I interviewed this fisherman. It was so nice to talk to the pak cik who was so very kind. The night after the tsunami happened everyone sat together at a campfire beside the beach because all of their belongings were gone. I told him one day I will go back to Langkawi and go fishing with him. And I will!

I'm nicknamed JessNut/ChestNut. And somehow, there's alot do I put it.. Alot of sexual energy among the BRATs.
And Aileen gave me my sms logo ----> [ =3 ]
The chestnut has now gone to rest til' the next meeting but if you want to see ChestNut in action, feel free to wire RM99999.99 into my bank account and I'll order MJ to send you the video.

Our second assigment was to interview this artist.
Quote : "Everything of art is love" " Love equals Art "
This artist - Zul does sculpting in Langkawi. And we were surrounded by all his artwork while interviewing him. I was the photographer for the assignment and found that taking good pictures are really quite difficult.
Quote : "Cam-whore doesn't equal photography."
The place we visited was Muzium Laman Padi, it has this whole calming vibe to it with miniature paddy fields and some oriental style building. Was a little sad I didn't get the chance to go explore around and see what treasures I can find. Then I got jealous after hearing other teams got to interview a 50 year-old Johnny Depp lookalike who has a 20 year-old body.

I love our BRATs t-shirt.
Feel so proud clad in it.

I can only imagine the hell our seniors are going through when they were trying to shut us and listen even for only one minute - it's hell of an accomplishment.

On the third night I went to chat with Sheena, Maria, YenNee and Lindley cuz' my roommates are forever sleeping so early. We had great time talking to Sheena and the gang about period, internal bleeding or hemorrhage whatever you called it. Sheena can't stop blabbing about how cute Hiro is even when the lights are off and rumours has it she sleep-talk and her roommates got the word - Kevin on the second night.

So happen I forgot to bring my key along but Sheena & Maria was so kind they let me crash on their bed. Feeling embarrassed and awful having to take up their sleeping space, I tried to be as thoughtful as possible and tried to hide my fat ass.

At approximately about 4am, Sheena suddenly started moaning/mumbling about something (Eric). Next thing I know she was shifting her body towards me, putting her leg right over my body with arms right on my waist and face about 1cm from mine.

And I refuse to elaborate further.

The kind Maria & Sheena who gave me shelter.

When the last day came, we were all so sad. Can't believe it ended so very fast. It felt like we've been with each other for such a long period of time yet it felt like the camp ended so very soon. We spent most of our final day hugging/kissing goodbyes and cam-whoring for the final time.

My extended family

The next Kung Fu Hustle poster

I can't believe this idiot fella got 12As

Charlie's Next Angels

Dearest Yen Nee & Jess

Sheena. Hiro Nakamura. Jess

The Penang Sisters

Yuen Chyn. Jess

Jess. LynLi. Puffy Joshy

Gangstas. Jess. KG

When I walked Yuen Chyn off to her cab, we were both tearing up. We clicked so well and wondered if we were long lost sisters.
Exchanged so many hugs.
For her, I MUST visit Penang sometime soon.

-Our BRATs journey stopped momentarily right here-

Well I said stopped momentarily because like Ivy said this workshop camp was only the begining of being a BRAT. So people,

ChestNut is still ALIVE!

There are so MANY,MANY more people and happenings that I wanted to feature like Yuen Chyn my long lost boob-soul-sister who's in Penang now, Dearest Aileen who's the biggest ChestNut fan and gave away her first kiss, Shalini who's my Penang-sista, Hiro Nakamura the cutest guy in camp, MJ the idiot boy, Yen Nee the only person older than me who I find so comfortable to talk to, Debra who I go crazy shopping with, Surein who complaint but nonetheless was such a darling to shop with us and take our pictures, Elaine the not so innocent girl! the same goes for Amy and JoAnn! My wonderful roomies who managed to bare with my excitement all four days. I feel like I'm writing an Oscar thank you speech.


ps - I'll feature you guys in the next post.
Which will be posted in another 10 months after STPM.



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