Thursday, May 24, 2007

Humour in Class 6A ('s Teacher)


6A being terrorized by class teacher




the devil himself



So, sadly, this is my class teacher - Mr K.
He asked to take the picture from the angle which he has most hair.
But, sadly again, we tried our best.

Initially in January when he became our class teacher, we tried to ignore anything or any words related to hair as we figured it was a sensitive issue.

HOWEVER...

During class one day...

Mr K :
Government people are the most relaxed people. No worries, no stress one. If you want a work that is stress-free, WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT. BUT, don't work as a teacher. Teacher's job worse than...

Me : *cuts in* Eh. Mr K. You very stress meh??!

Mr K :
*motions both hands at his head* * looking DAMN drama*
LOOK AT THIS!! IF NO STRESS, WHERE IS ALL MY HAIR???

Class : *silence*

Another day...

Mr K :
Why you all don't hand up your passport photos one? Hand up your primary school pictures le..so you will look very cute..

Class : *wtf*

Me :
Eh Mr K. How do you look like when you're in primary school huh?

Mr K : *thinks*

Me : More hair??

Mr K : *stares back*
Not more! P L E N T Y !!!


Since then, we have been making plenty of jokes behind his back.

For example :
1. Mr K gets 50% discount when he gets a haircut.
2. We wanted to present him a Yun Nan haircare centre voucher for Teacher's Day.
3. Then we thought it was bit too expensive, So we decided to buy him a comb and break off the extra 'gigi' since he didn't need so many.

Conclusion :
If you're bald. Just shave botak.


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A New Friend Found

" You walk to the left and you walk to the right, and you walk, and you walk, and you walk all night........... "

Ahh.... Sweet memories....

During the BRATs camp, we even did 'cha cha' to the right and 'fly' to the left.

I wonder if you walk like that in the park, would you really find a new friend.
A rapist more likely.
Or another drunken homeless beggar that walks to the left and right and decided that you're his new friend.


This post is very special. It's dedicated to a new friend I found.

Lately I kept feeling that something is following me. It follows me wherever I go. To the toilet, to the cinema, even into the boys toilet.

FYI - I'm not talking about the 'retarded-yellow-digi-man'.

When I drive my car, sleep in class, or lie down on my bed, it's still there.
I can feel it....growing.....

FYI - I'm not PREGNANT either.

Thus, I decided to investigate the matter. I held a mirror to wherever I went, it failed. I went to a bomoh, she asked me to pay her my life savings.

When I jump, it jumped with me. Like titanic.
When I act cute, it called me fugly. Like Michael Jackson.


THEN. MY FRIEND FINALLY CAUGHT IT!



IT was an extra chunk of meat on MY ASS!!!


Solutions -
1. I went to a plastic surgeon.
- failed. IT wanted my life savings as well.

2. Negotiate with IT.
- failed. IT wanted me to not eat carbs for a week.

3. Sit on IT hardly and pray it'll go far, far away. Like into the chair.
- the chair also concaved

So no choice lorr.. Now I bounce with it, walk with it and still act cute with it. Fugly already lorr..

Conclusion :

You dumb or ugly?
-Ben's fav line-

Thursday, May 17, 2007

i'm lovin' it - random thoughts


Happy Mother's Day



Happy Teacher's Day


I hope one day they have Happy Jessica's Wallet Day.
I'm so broke.

And you will never know the trouble we went through to make our teacher's present.


It's already 9pm plus and we're still in school uniform.


Honestly, celebrations are great. I mean, when else do you have a reason to gobble down extra-fat food and spend more money at Starbucks.
Which reminds me about my Malaysian University English Test aka MUET examinations.

One word - sigh

What topics would you prepare for a speaking test?

1. What is the main causes of the increasing rate of road accidents?
2. Crime prevention.
3. What can be done to improve our education system?

Instead, I got this -

Eating is Malaysians favourite past time. What is the main factor of it?

To make things worse, the factor I have to speak on was because

THE FOOD IS CHEAP

----------------------------

School is good. I went to school today. No class at all (for my class lah...) . I think the teachers were burnt out from yesterday's Teacher's Day celebration. After watching all the traditional dances, singing and endless shuffling and break dancing, they still have to go for a 'friendly' bowling game at 2pm. Shuffling is over-rated.

We spent the whole day talking crap. Laugh and talk, talk and laugh, eat and sleep...still, the time was only 9am. So we laugh and talk, talk and laugh, eat and sleep again...still, the time was only 11am.

So we started singing. Not American Idol songs. But the songs we sang during our primary school years. It's weird that we are still able to sing the songs out loud.

We can remember songs that we sang 6 years ago but not the math we learned just yesterday???

And I will continue supporting Melinda Doolittle!!!
I will buy your album! Not the pasar malam one!



How can you vote her off America??!!
I know her neck is a little shorter compared to the other two.
But SHE IS THE BEST!


Some more some sites so bad. They said -
"Goodbye neckless woman!"

Lastly, here are some 'cute' pics of my favourite teacher.






























our blood, sweat and tears. seriously.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Bargain, bargain, bargain.

Once upon a time, lived Jessica in a land named Subang Jaya. Compared to many starving nations in Africa and war-torn countries like Lebanon, the land of Subang Jaya was rich and peaceful. Thus, Jessica enjoyed many luxuries like her poor old proton wira, 3-in-1 nescafe and most importantly, sanitary napkins.

Although not being able to spell the word glamorous,
(Yes. I admit I mis-spelled it. I'm horrible at spelling. So what)
I sang G L A M A R O S to Fergie's song.

Although not being able to spell the word - , Jessica still think of her own life as - .

However, there is one habit that Jessica still carry no matter where she goes,
her K I A M - S I A P ness.

Malaysians are like that. We bargain no matter what it is. Bargain, bargain, bargain.

Salesman : Auntie..very cheap already la 25.80

Auntie : Aiyah..25 only la...25 I buy from you...

Last week my family and I made a trip to Petaling Street. We walked up and down to look for Jo's perfect 'college sling bag'.

Salesman : Aiyah...lowest price 25 already auntie..no bluff one..

Mum : Can give cheaper le..23 sure can one...

My dad was constantly timing how long we took because as you would have known, parking ain't cheap in KL. In my mind, I was thinking if bargaining for another extra minute would bring the price 2bucks lower, we still have to pay the extra one minute over the 2hour limit spent for parking which is an extra 2 bucks. So, why bother?

Even though I'm so bloody kiam-siap with my money, I wouldn't mind paying a little more to the auntie selling t-shirts at the pasar malam. After all, how much money does the auntie make a day? To you, you might feel proud after buying the shirt 2ringgit cheaper which you are gonna spend in Starbucks anyway. But to this auntie, 2ringgit is one meal for her.

However, Jess makes certain exceptions.
Like this DVD seller in Summit.

After our short stint in Petaling Street, Jo and I went to summit to get some DVDs.
Actually, I only wanted 3 DVDs, but after seeing the sign buy 5 free 1. I feel I should get another 2 to get 1 free. Brain-damage shopaholic...

However, after dragging Jo through 3 DVD stores and going through hundreds of DVDs, I can only find 5 I want. Jo was already exhausted and squating outside the store like the samseng on watch for police. (Jo - Never go shopping with Jess.. ) So I asked Jo to talk to this fella from the shop.

Me : 5+1 DVD for 40bucks right? Ask him if he's willing to sell 5 for 32.

Jo : You cannot ask is it?!! Cis..I'm gonna complain to mum you abuse me..

Me : Ask le ask le...

Jo : *reluctantly* PSSSTTT...........
(yes. that was how she called for the fella)(she even did that kissing sound)

DVD man : Yes? Found your DVDs already?

He's been waiting. We have been in that shop for 20 minutes.

Jo : 5+1 DVDs for 40 right? Can sell 5 for 32? We don't want the free one.

DVD man : Aiyoh..cannot le boss... I will kena marah...

Jo : Nobody's looking also..fast fast sell to me can d lorr..

DVD man : Got camera there ar *points on top*

Jo : I cover the camera with my hand then you sell to me..
[Note : it was her exact words]

DVD man:
*laughs* Cannot le.. My boss will scold one.. You look around some more.. So many sure can find one you like one..

After ANOTHER 10 mins looking around, he finally caved in and said -
Miss.. How about 5 for 35?

Jo : *being absolute Malaysian* 32!

DVD man : 35 le..

Jo : 33!

DVD man : That's our best price le..

Me : Jo shaddap! Hold on. We think think first..

After ANOTHER 10mins, I think that the price is fine and I ask Jo to asked for the man again.

Jo : How to address him? Korr korr chai? His mouth damn smelly...

Me : Uncle or something like that le.. Cover your nose then..

Jo : Eh..eh.. *shouts* Uncle!
[note : he was 20 plus]

DVD uncle : HUH! Call me uncle?!?

Jo : Hehe....

Me : 5 for 35 right?

DVD uncle : *obviously tired of debating* Yes yes...

Jo : eh..34 le..

At last, we left the shop with 5 DVDs and 35bucks poorer. In my mind, I'm thinking the guy must be so relieved he got rid of us. Stay in the shop for a whole 40 minutes, bargain for so long, call him UNCLE, some more pinch her nose when he start opening his mouth.

Not only him, I guess you guys also tired after listening to my long bargaining story.

G L A M A R O S

Friday, May 04, 2007

Exam?

Hehe.
Did you miss me?


I was having mid-term exams.
Hehe.

I didn't really study though, til' the very last minute.
And I really meant LAST MINUTE.


Monday was my biology exam. Paper2. Paper1 has past and it was a test for my 'shooting skills'. Thus, I felt pretty bad for not studying. Thinking what my would my teacher say if I failed the exam.


Teacher : Why FAIL MY PAPER?

Me : I also didn't want it to happen, yet it did. So how?

Teacher :
I'm going to give you EXTRA HOMEWORK from now on!
MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me : BUT... NO...............................................


With that in mind, I decided to at least memorize answers from a book my teacher usually pick exam questions from. And it was 12.05am the day of my biology paper.

I have no idea since when I became so lazy. My mum used to keep me entertained as a baby by playing me taped commercials, only commercials. I was somewhat fascinated by them. If only my mum has played me 'Dora the Explorer' and 'Blue's Clues'. I might be so much more hardworking.

Kononlah..

Exam has became such a happy time for me.
I enjoy watching people fret and study yet can't manage to answer the exam questions. Hahahahahaha.... Damn wicked...


Shiny : How was your paper? Okay ah?

HengLi : Normal lah.. Don't know how to answer lah..

Me : Haiyoh. At least don't sleep la! Make an effort to copy somebody's else answer!

HengLi : No point. Nobody know how to do.


Hehe.
I know ShangShi is gonna hate me for repeating this so many times.
But I'm doing it anyway.

Me : Eh. How was the chemistry paper?

ShangShi : So easy!

ShukChing : What?! Not enough time to finish!!!

ShangShi :
So easy what.. Just write my name on the paper then go to sleep d...

Shiny :
Oh. Then when the teacher announce there's 5 more minutes, wake up and write the date.

Exams, exams, exams




Before you leave, feel free to take MY exam.

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Like Carol said - "Happy Banging!"