Sunday, August 26, 2007

Exam + Merdeka

A good combination??

So this is Jess Loke again,
reporting from the midst of all the stress and desperation of SMK Seafield's upper-sixth students.

So tommorow is the very first STPM trial paper - PA
Perhaps the easiest subject if anyone dare admit it but I'm pretty sure no one would dare say anything is easy even though IS IT at times.

Oh how I hate hypocrites....

Let's see.
I have PA (Pengajian Am) 1 & 2 tommorrow - Monday.
Then, Math T 1 on Tuesday.
Then, Bio 1 on Wednesday.

And on Thursday -

We have MERDEKA 50!

I don't know what the school is thinking into making us celebrate this glorius event of Malaysia in the midst of our stress and desperation of trials but YES WE HAVE TO.

We'll be sitting in the assembly area, putting on our super duper fakey smile, waving our beloved jalur gemilang, singing our patriotic songs -

WHILE thinking about reproduction or what happens when alkanes mix with carboxylic acid mix with alcohols mix with Linsay Lohan mix with one day in jail.........KERANAMU!..........mix with a whole lot of Math 2 then some more reproduction from Bio 2 then.......

You get the idea.

So when Friday comes, every single Malaysian will be out celebrating their love for our own country while all of us will be home, lonely, celebrating with Mr Krebs cycle & Mr Krantz anatomy who are not even Malaysians.


I'm sorry Malaysia...
I can't celebrate your 50th birthday because my school want us to take her exams.
And I can't turn her down because my future depends on her and your future depends on me,
So... We celebrate 50 years later okay??

' wo dui bu qi ni.... ' (KenLam style of chinese blogging)

Hopefully by then with my fake teeth still can shout MERDEKA okay?

Monday, August 20, 2007

What's the Deal ??

I wanna know.
I wanna know.
I wanna know.

I'm asking -

What's The Deal about High School Musical??

I mean,
I might secretly be watching Totally Spies or Hannah Montana,
but I dont get why everybody's so crazy over High School Musical?!

Disney owns a $100 million franchise worth of High School Musical Products.

High School Musical books.
High School Musical sun glasses.
High School Musical dance mat.
High School Musical figurines.

High School Musical panties???

I didn't make that up.

There are High School Musical PANTIES!!!

Flash back...

I used to have a friend who enjoys knowing what panties we are all wearing.

[ Yes Nikki. If you ever read this I can still remember the details]

We would be sitting together and just chatting then out of a sudden she would ask all of us what panties we are all wearing.

Nikki : Eh. What panties you all wearing ar?

Humans : Err....

Nikki : I'm wearing green panties. Got frog one!

Humans : *wtf*

Nikki : Really! Wanna see? *lifts up skirt*

Humans : *blinded* then *faint*

So maybe the primary school children are still playing the
" What's Your Panties " game.

X : What panties you wearing?

Y : Kim Possible!

Z : Totally Spies!

X : Mine's the best! HighSchoolMusical! Muahahaha... I win....

And YES!
What's the deal also with panties???

It's inside all the time so why bother buying panties with beautiful patterns?

Maybe you wanna show your boyfriend but I bet your boyfriend is more interested in what's beneath it right??!

But at least we STILL WEAR panties le..
Sorry Britney Spears and Jay Chou.

Back to High School Musical.

Yes, I admit I may steal an extra glance of hot Zac Efron with his brand new six-pack.


High School Musical Napkins?!?!
High School Musical Paper Cups??!

Check if apply -
Do you -

1. Know all the lyrics of HSM

2. Make the HSM 2 premiere event of the year

3. Try singing along to Zac Efron

4. Plan to name your son Zac

5. Plan to have Zac's baby

6. Have HSM panties

If you check even one of them,
you have Musical High not down Syndrome.

I bet many of you do right...

Dont worry!
I have the cure to free you from the grasp of MusicalHighnotdownSyndrome!

Listen to -


Jess you're so lame I dont know you...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Why Do I Love Studying?

This post is dedicated to everybody who is studying hard for your final major exams.

I love studying because I want to be a person filled with knowledge and wisdom so I wont get cheated by lousy television ads who tell me that TAR shouted 'MERDEKA' 3 times.

I love studying because I want to get a scholarship to study in a famous university to become somebody famous who earns lots of famous money one day.

I love studying because next time when my children ask me what are Daisies, I can say they have extinct.

I love studying simply because....studying is my hobby.

We get a good education so we will become civilised people who don't spit everywhere, 'whisper' in cinemas, flush the toilets and also finally understand that toilet seat is called seat for a reason.

And we also get a good sex education ( not really from our education syllabus ) so we can differentiate what's art what's porn, what's molest what's 'too friendly touch'.


Now I know my ABCs next time wont you sing with me?

Show off...

If he didnt know his ABCs he wouldn't sing it with you...

So ya, I also love studying so I can show off to you all that I know more than you!

This is the effect from studying too much - EMO!


Friday, August 10, 2007

50th Post! 50th Merdeka!

This is my 50th post!

So in conjunction with Merdeka month,
I have to express my love for my country - Malaysia.

Also in conjunction with my 50th post,
I will let you guys in on a secret.

And it's not the secret that Melissa is actually very fair.
Neither it is the fact that Melissa seem dark but her boobs is very fair.


3.21am 20/12/1988

Out came JessLoke to greet Malaysia!

[note : Yes. Go programme 20/12 into your phone RIGHT NOW.]

Malaysia was very nice to Jess.
She gave Jess peace within the nation, politics stability
and most of all,
Hope for tomorrow.

Plus, being able to have such tasty and cheap breakfast
- Roti Canai - it was 60 cents in the good ol' days.

So anyway, Malaysia gave Jess a good education although I couldnt differentiate between - world, country and planet.

I've once believed that Malaysia is a planet on it's own.
I was pretty dumb back then.

I thought that babies just burst out of people's stomach / belly button.
But that's not the worse part.

Dumb Me : Which part of the body does the period leaks?

Pad Company Woman : The part where babies come out.

What a 'informative' Pad Company Education Women...

Babies come out from the belly right......?

Period blood will come out from my belly?????

Oh no.....

- after the joke went public -

Smart Me : Crap. I think I got period now.

Carol : Just use a cork and screw it in your belly button!

Later on when I spilled coffee on my shirt strategically on the stomach area...

Carol : Loke! You having period now! Look at the brown stain!


The point is Malaysia has groomed me well.
From a dumb dumb last time, I've became an above average intellectual person now.

I now know that we all live on planet earth and the glaciers are melting and we're all gonna die of global warming.
I also now know that period comes out from your vajayjay and why some sanitary pads have 'wings'.

I'm trying my best to express my love for our Malaysia without dwelling into stereotypes about how we are so multi-coloured and harmonious or the fact that our clocks are bloody useless because we keep malaysia timing like the BLOODY great public transportation system in Malaysia and I will feel like killing myself if I keep talking about how punctual rapid KL or MAS is.


Point is, our country has came a great length since 1957 when Mr Tunku Abdul Rahman yelled 'Merdeka' 3 times to declare the independence of our Malaysia.

*edit - TAR SHOUTED MERDEKA 7 TIMES !!!!!!!!!*
* I was only a victim of advertisements on television, on ads they will only shout 3 TIMES! *

Whether we like it or not, Malaysia is part of our being no matter how far we may go later in life.

We can never forget
our first taste of maggie mee,
our first taste of roti canai roti telur roti planta roti so many,
our first taste of wearing sari/baju kebaya,
our first taste of saying 'LAH'

We do owed it to our nation for who we are today.

Do the least by saying Thank You,
and please don't steal my Malaysia flag when I put one on my car.

Monday, August 06, 2007

And So, Life Goes On

Here Jessica is again letting you know how great her life has been since she last posted.

Pn D was obviously prejudice when she yelled at some non-fantastic4 and blamed the fantastic4 for talking in front of the lab while the fantastic4 were just standing right beside her acting innocent and all.

And it's just TALKING in front of the lab.

[note : Orange = Melissa, she has a thing towards anything black.]

[note : Remember, Melissa is the fairest of us all.]

Besides having to attend the craziness of Pn D,
Life has been treating me pretty good.

My bro and sis will be back this entire week.

They are back meaning I have to keep an eye on all my wonderfull food storage.

The dark chocolate in the freezer.
My sunkist orange juice.
My koko krunch and honey stars on the kitchen counter.
My cheezels in the kitchen cabinet.


All my maids have pretty peculiar names.

Her name was something like darwiyah.
We call her Auntie Dar.

Sumiyati = Auntie Sumi

Somthingyaya = Auntie Ya

Yomima = Not Auntie Ma = Auntie YO

When Ben and Jo is back,
the maid will have to be shared EQUALLY.

I will only have 1/3 then... :(

I'm not making much sense til' now in this post...

Have you ever felt that you really miss something or someone but you just don't know what it is?
I'm having that feeling now.
There's just this thing I feel like I really need to do but I don't know what it is.
Is it something I need to eat?
A song I need to listen to?

Don't you miss me being less emo and more funny?


I guess this blog will have to take a brief hiatus until I get my funnies back.

Until then,

Life Goes On.

From the girl who thinks she is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world,

Jess Loke.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Jess is NOT Alpha Female

I saw this stupid test on Shiny's blog and although I think it's stupid, I still have to take it to prove to the world I'm NOT Alpha Female.

The story starts something like that -

We have this teacher, Pn D, who loathes me, Shiny, Tracey and Melissa.

There could be many possiblilities why she hates us,

1. We usually talk (whisper) during her class.
2. We always smile and laugh (very quietly).
3. We sit right in front of her class and have the tendency to fall asleep (only sometimes, we've already tried our best).
4. Melissa is black.

So, one day, she couldn't take it.
She asked for the entire class to rotate our seats.
So she could move us to the back and won't see us anymore.

But one day,
I was in the middle of my very urgent practical report,
I didn't bother to shift my seat for her class.

Thus -

Pn D : Jessica why didn't you shift your seat?

Me : No place behind.

Pn D : Why can't you just change your place? You're disrupting the whole class you know.

Everybody is damn happy at their original seats....

Me : Sorry teacher I'll shift later.

[5 minutes pass......]

Pn D :
Jessica why are you still here?
Because of you everybody seats are disrupted.
You're like the Alpha Female Wolf.
Studies show all the female wolves period will follow the Alpha Female.
You're disrupting everybody's period you know.

Me : *head gonna explode* relunctantly shifts place*

From then on, Pn D has been referring me as the Alpha Female.

Pn D : Where is the Alpha Female?
Pn D : Alpha Female look at your notes.
Pn D : Fire! Fire! Alpha Female!

That's how she attempted to wake me up

And then she laughed hahaha...

Sometimes I come back to class from my duties and I have important news for Shiny sitting behind me, so I kept turning behind to whisper to her.

Carol would scold me saying
" Eh, dont turn behind d le.. Later she call you Alpha Female again.. "

My mind would go
Is that a BIG THREAT??!! "

If naming me Alpha Female is not enough, she referred to me, Shiny, Tracey and Melissa as

the fantastic four

Pn D : Why is the fantastic four smiling?
Pn D : Why the fantastic four must always be together?
Pn D : Why does the fantastic four look so happy?
Pn D : Why is the fantastic four talking to the Alpha Female?

Great.. I'm talking to myself...

Conclusion -

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.
You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Jess is N O T a bloody Alpha Female who DISRUPTS everybody's bloody period.