Monday, December 10, 2007

Wondering About Myself

Jessica. Jessica. Jessica.

Have you ever wondered you use the word 'I' too much?

Sometimes in life you meet certain things or a certain someone who poured a bucket of cold water over you and made you wonder how are you shaping yourself today.

I met that certain someone.

You know the way you always see yourself in the future?

What if it doesn't happen?
What if it doesn't satisfy you then?
What if there could be something so much more, meaningful?

I've always kept myself in this bubble. The bubble which laughs everything off, who thinks there is nothing that can't be done. The bubble of safety, comfort with everything spoon-fed.

I've been and still am very much bless. I do know that.
And I guess plenty of times I knowingly took advantage of what I have.

That day before my very last paper I decided to broke this safety bubble.
I decided I couldn't stay protected forever and stagnant in my life.

What happened to the days when I vow to do something?
What happened to those times when I told myself not to judge?
What happened to those days when I constantly reminded myself not to turn into someone I don't wish to become?

I want those days to not go to waste you know.
I want to move forward but still be level-headed.

I want to walk closer to Lord our God.

I want to use terms other than just 'I'.

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