Monday, December 29, 2008

Back To Life

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all away....

When I was young, my parents had me and my siblings watch titanic together with them. Having read what was bound to happen (iceberg meets Titanic), I was praying so, so, so, hard that it wouldn't be the same in the movie.


And of course, Titanic still sunk and broke my heart.
So I would play it again, and again, and again, each time wishing for something different to happen.


Then after give or take a week I would give up and move onto other movies in my parents collection like Scream, praying hard that the scary mask dude suddenly finds Jesus and stop killing all those hormone-raging, boozy teenagers.

My childhood innocent hopes has been crushed by horror movies like that...

It was not until I had nightmares after watching a National Geographic documentary on snakes - screaming SNAKES EVERYWHERE! SNAKES EVERYWHERE! 3am in the toilet - that my parents decided to ban watching horror movies at home. And yes, Titanic is included on that list.

Right now I really want to watch Revolutionary Road but am afraid of those Titanic feelings as Celine Dion put it "It's all coming back, all coming back, coming back to me!"

And if you really are too free and want to waste away this last few days of your holidays, go read this - To The Girl of the Same Name by JessieLoi.

Happy Merry New Year People =)

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Jess Gotta Start Living in The Moment

It's a weird sensation really.
Like a spell.
When you starting thinking,
you can't stop.
You keep ruminating,
your mind wander endlessly.
You know very well you are only going in circles,
but you it continues because you can't find the way out.

I laughed! I laughed til' I cried!
I can't quite remember the last time it happened but I guess it has to be on a stupid story about Tracey or Amelia. Only their dumbness can amuse me.

Amelia : Loke, what is tak-halal? Can we eat that?

And guess what was I doing that I laughed so hard?? Playing some old kiddish game on the PlayStation with dummy Shiny, MingSze and dumbdumb Tracey! Perhaps we can only be truly happy when we ignite the child-like happiness in each of us. That explains why children and old people are so happy (not just because they get 50% discount for everything).

I start to reminisce that 8 years ago, Shiny and I were doing the same thing (same game) and laughed just as hard til' our tummies ache then proceed to roll around on the floor. Er.... Does it means we still haven't mature a single bit since 12?

Shiny, I have an idea.
Put Trac and Amelia to play together, that's even more funny although we might have to wait til' sunset + sunrise until someone actually wins.

I noticed that my posts are getting shorter and shorter.
Oh well.
Back to my fattening holiday plans (:

Just to humor you here is AmeliaChanJiatHee sleeping.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Jess Really Just Wanna Be Alone

I can be alone, yeah
I can watch the sunset on my own
I can be alone, yeah
I can watch the sunset on my own
I can be alone, yeah
I can watch the sunset on my own

Kate Nash - Merry Happy

Merry Happy - Kate Nash

There's something spiritual about being alone. That's when all other voices quiet down and you can finally hear your own, and some others not of this world. You start to hear things you know you have been desperately trying to bury, you start to hear things you know you need to fix, you start to wonder if you are becoming crazy uncle Larry.

And so when we can't take it anymore, we blast the music clear and loud, drowning out all the other voices, allowing them to be nothing more than an alternative note in the music. It is like when you clap aloud in a concert, you don't hear it because it is only that tiny compared to everything else around. You feel waves of emotion as depicted in that artistic brain of the melody writer. You start feeling his or her pain but not yours.

I decided when all is to no avail, all you have to do is just shut the world out, express yourself.

Shut the world out, express yourself.

Grow that little emotion, that little thought that was turned away by the world, that was dismissed as trivial.

Because it is not.

It is inside you and wants to be set free.
Grow it,
grow yourself.
set it free.

28th May 2008

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Jess is Searching For Her Childhood Dreams

Yes I'm boring like that.
Go read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch.

So that day I was thinking *cue serious Jess* possibly so many of us never really realize our dreams is because we never really have any to start with. We might watch some Disney "Chase your Dreams" movie and have that brief 1 minute thinking "hmmm...that sounds like a great idea, how nice if I can achieve that" but that's it! We don't think beyond that and sometimes we allow so much of those dramas and movies we watch to voice out for us (think for us) on how we should live our lives; make us do more of what they want us to do (watch the sequel).

Walt Disney said "If you can dream it, you can do it." I grew up watching those Disney movies and still am watching them now because they always give such a great message - YOU CAN DO IT! It always make me so happy, "ahhh.... I can do whatever I want!" But I think I never really define that 'whatever'; I was too busy singing along with SClub7 and watching Lizzie McGuire solve her social crisis.

Crap this post is so boring let me cheer you up with a joke. *google best joke*

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

This one is actually the best one in UK.

Anyways this has been short, anti-climax but nonetheless sweet.
Imma go figure out my dreams now. Bai.

Monday, November 24, 2008

This Is Fiction


Once upon a time there was a girl name PigCousinCarol, she enrolled into Seafield in year 2006 hoping to realized her dreams of becoming a doctor. Fast forward time to 2008, she DID get to realized her dreams of becoming a doctor, in Bangalore, India, plus she got a bonus!

The bonus is a boyfriend/girlfriend who takes shape in this 'thing'!

"I love coconuts"

They have this very complicated relationship where they have broken up and got back together so many times we stopped caring. But anyhow, before Carol left for India, she told Benbi,

"I like your hair like that."

I really how to describe this 'THING' he called a hairstyle.
Hence, I shall attempt to show it in a picture.

I would definitely say his hair was inspired from Ho-ma's hairstyle. Although Sa-yee is annoying, her hair is still more man-ly and stylish compared to Benbi's.

Anyways, ignoring our advice, Benbi has been keeping that fugly hairstyle ever since. Any blind man can tell that the hair is disasterous and makes him (oh, sorry it's her) looks like a transvestite.

Benbi tries hard to be a girl in order to match the manliness of Carol, but the truth is he succeeded with little effort.

We think that Carol is so sneaky because she doesn't want Benbi to be able to score another girlfriend here with that auntie hairstyle. Even though her hidden motives are very obvious, Benbi continue to think his hair is HOT.

Fortunately, the BenRols have such great friends like us. Carol, we have officially accepted Ben into our OTK gang because we, too, realize deep down he IS a girl. Last weekend, we tricked Benbi into entering a salon by telling him there are alot of hot guys inside.

Sorry Carol we broke your girlfriend...

In the end, we quietly regret our decision because now his fugly face is even more apparant. If we got a chance to choose between fugly hair and fugly face, of course it would be fugly hair, sadly, we made the wrong choice.

Carol, now we agree with you.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Jess Reunited with Shiny!

Shiny has gotten (even) more scandalous.
Sorry lar, lately I don't have much to blog about;
Prada didn't wanna rehire me to work this holiday.

Can you spot Shiny?
Yup, the ugliest one besides that 'thing' whose head is bleeding.

kiiiiiiiiiiiiiip bleeding, kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip bleeding...

And yesh! Bleeding boy is indeed Philip - physics class living thing #1 who asked whether feeling tipsy was permanent then started singing Celine Dion during the last Langkawi trip and is also currently being rejected by Shiny. Philip kept proclaiming his affection for Shiny while Shiny kept proclaiming that Philip is gay.

Philip kept begging but Shiny remains an Ice Queen.

I don't really know what happened here but my guess is the botox in Shiny's face prevented her from frowning.

But you know, Piggo,
Philip actually looks good in that last picture, maybe you SHOULD consider him.

And Philip,
how come your hair doesn't look like that in real life? I'm starting to doubt the genuineness of this picture (except for the hearts of course), don't give up! Shiny is very cold on the outside but warm and HOT on the inside! Excuse me, now I gotta go gargle with dettol for saying that.

Shiny Beh.
That's Philip's surname right?

I wanna be your children's kai ma!

So I finally got to meet up with Shiny since August, this is the longest time we're apart yet none has changed - She still thinks I'm in love with her since we were 7.

*in the car driving*

Me : *keep sounding the honk because we're in taipan on a weekend*

Shiny : Eh! Stop honking! You think we're getting married is it?!

Me : *WTF*

Reunion with old friends is always a funny thing. People would meet back at the same nostalgic place, sit in the same old spot, and start cracking the same jokes thus releasing the same annoying laughter. Besides the fact that everybody has gotten fatter from Uni (God knows what they feed my friends), we all still seem like the same idiots who can talk endlessly.

For the finale of this boring post check out what 6 months of Uni in Penang did to Loi the forehead!




0 cm


Indeed, this is Shiny's new best friend too.
She agreed to be Shiny's best friend if she is allowed to grab her boobs from time to time.
Desperately, Shiny agreed.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

New Weirdo Best Friend - Sook Yuin

One day I saw her online when we have our finals in a few days time,
so (being the awesome friend I am) I told her to go offline.

She said, wait til' 11pm.

So I decided to leave this weirdo alone.

About 1055pm, she nudged me,

I replied bluntly "Cinderella only goes at midnight dumbo SookYuin"

Then she screamed (on msn also can scream)

She is weird and lame like that.

That is Yuinderella on the right.
The only girl who is not smiling, looking seriously weird.

The face looks kinda dark too with fading eyebrows.

Well that was all before she met Jess the Great!

Now she looks like this!
Upon knowing JessLoke the Greatest Girl on Earth!

Now who else wanna be my friend huh?

And because Jess doesn't only emphasize on physical transformation,
she has also became a whole lot noisier (bordering on noise polution) and also laughs psychotically (and also think of the lamest things like Yuinderella) .

I assure you it IS a good thing.

Poor kid...

Well, besides laughing and being crazy she also teaches ballet a.k.a. 'torturing kiddies by prying their legs open to do splits in a very cruel way'. She is passionately in love with ballet and I really don't know why because she always complain about muscle aches the following day.

That black 'thing' is suppose to be her I guess...

So this is her 18th birthday - November 18th - if you're interested, yes she is still single and is scouting for hot and rich guys. So if you think you're indeed hot and rich, go ahead and email - (DumbYuin I'm doing this advertisement for free, so kind of me)

Jess being DumbYuin's model

During her free time, besides ballet, she enjoys dressing people up. Usually making people look uglier than they actually are to boost her own self-esteem. So Jess the Great is definitely much hotter than as shown.

But I gotta say, though I've only known her for 2 months now, we have this chinese saying - "yi jian ru gu" meaning you feel like you've known each other forever. I'm so happy I'm able to click with someone this well because now I can replace the void that is Shiny (at least partially).

Eh Shiny what d'ya think of my awesome new best friend?

She has been nothing but this amazingly sweet friend who shamelessly thinks she is way hotter and prettier than me plus always a great company to have. If you have a chance definitely come have lunch with her (she eats all the time). She will be one of the most adorable person you'll ever meet in life, I promise.

"Wahh she's like the perfect package! She's so kind, pretty, smart and drives!" - SuTing

And even a girl -SuTing- thinks so.

She forced me to put this one up.

So I asked her,
What is your birthday wish for the year?

Lemme guess,

A hot & rich boyfriend?
Being able to dance ballet everyday?
Good health for your family?
More money to spend?

Or the typical answer - "Birthday wish where can tell one?!"

Then she answered with a snicker -

I only want 2 things,

Smaller eye bags and smaller boobs.

That part of the story we shall continue next time.

Happy Birthday Yuinderella!

Monday, November 17, 2008

My Love

Does something still retain its "status" as your love if you can't get through the day without it?
Like some people I get a running nose and sneeze continuously in the morning, and it'd be 'cured' with my morning cup of coffee.
Nowadays though I can't get through the morning without mucus pouring out of my nose unless I drug myself, caffeine-ly.

So I'm thinking,
does something remains your love if it has turned into an addiction?

Eh don't worry lar.
I'm not THAT addicted.

Please don't send me to rehab.
I'm too young to ruin my life by becoming Amy Winehouse.

Which kinda reminds me this coke-snorting Grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine -

Coke-Snorting Grandpa:
Let me tell ya, don't do that stuff. When you're young, you're crazy to do that shit.

Well what about you?

Coke-Snorting Grandpa:
What about me? I'm old. When you're old, you're crazy not to do it!

this post is starting to creep me out because I titled it 'My Love' and start talking about Coke-Snorting Grandpas.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me,
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb,
in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead.

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming,
Back to the rule and I hit the ground running.
Didn't make sense not to live for fun,
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see,
So what's wrong with taking the back street?
You'll never know if you don't go,
You'll never shine if you don't glow!

Remember this one?
The good ol' days of the 90s when AYER wasn't a word.

Too tired to blog again.
Sleepy at 1 in the afternoon.
Shall take another dose of those coffee thingy.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Jess is Trying to Make Sense of Classics

Shakespeare. The Bronte Sisters. Oscar Wilde.

Are intelligent people suppose to know and readily quote all these classics?
I think I don't wanna be intelligent then.

Maybe I'm too lazy and stupid but I just find it so hard to plow through all those thick meaningful words and sophisticated language.

"Mr. Lockwood, your new tenant, sir. I do myself the honour of calling as soon as possible after my arrival, to express the hope that I have not inconvenienced you by my perseverance in soliciting the occupation of Thrushcross Grange...........zzzzzzzzzzzzz.................."

It's like you know that very bitter herbal tea is gonna be good for you, but you just DON'T WANNA DRINK IT CUZ IT'S SO YUCKY YUCK YUCK YUCKKKKK.

I figured this blog is lacking in pictures so I'd entertain you with mine...

I always get a headache when I'm in the middle of some discussion about some philosophy that is suppose to lead us towards the great meaning of life. The discussion always end with 2 different sides arguing whether the chicken or the egg came first. If I were Homer Simpson I wouldn't mind because my head would be thinking of donuts but I'm like Spongebob; sucking in everything til' I'm on the verge of exploding into pieces.


If you are free on the 17th of November 8-10pm, CALL ME!
This awesome, awesome, awesome (I said awesome 3 times because it is THAT awesome) band - C3 - is playing live in City Harvest for one night only!

I promise you'll have an awesome time!
If not the band then having Jess the Great in your company!
If you stay in Subang I'll drive you there myself and buy you ice cream!

Now...back to my quest of intelligence...
O Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Missing Shiny

This is the first time we've been apart for so long!
This is the first time we're taking different exams!
This is the first time she's more technology-savvy than me!

Shiny has always been a noob. A really serious one (almost needing hospital help) when it comes to computer matters. She'd call me all the time about some stupid problem on her computer.

"LingSinggg! Got an error message flashing! How?!?"

"Jesseecaa! My sims is not working! What is a crack file?"

"Piggy! Suddenly got naked ladies pop out while using the internet!"

That's how long Shiny & I have known each other, until she changes the way of calling me 3 times (definitely more than that but please spare me) already.

But now, she's having computer-programming exams, what encode matrix lar... I can't conceive the idea of her being better than me in like geeky computer stuff. I can't conceive the idea that one day she will be rich working for google while I'd be poor producing my indie music and budget films.

Or perhaps looking at the world financial crisis right now, we'd both be poor; busking at Petaling Street, fighting about what to sing - WangLeeHom or BritneySpears or somestupidtaiwandramaomgomgomg...

Last year she sent me some stupid birthday greeting -

"Hey piggy! Happy birthday o! Thanks for being my best buddy another year. I wonder 10 years later will i send this same msg to you? haha :) "

So I replied -

"Thanks piggo. We have been friends since 7 so stupid don't even know how to do simple multiplication math til' now 19 doing some stupid cos sin tan math. Of course we'll stay friends even 50 years later! I'd be greeting you happy 69th birthday don't eat so much of that birthday cake because you don't want your last tooth left to fall out as well."

Eh Shiny you still saving that message or not?
I can't remember verbatim what I sent you.
Remember to keep that message with you forever okay.

On Christmas she would wish me although I've not given her a present for 14 years -

"Piggy! Merry Christmas! muaxx. oops. dont really want to give you a kiss but accidentally typed it. haha."

And she would refrain herself from expressing hatred towards me -

"Not funny. Not funny. I don't like you. Oh no. Cant say like that. Later I'll get stuck with you. Erm. I like you. Yuck."

When I'm down she would TRY to cheer me up by stating how much she love me -

"Haha. Haha. A little only wert... Why? You feel that I treat you very TERRIBLE? Me just don't like to show out how much I care for you. In my heart, you're my best buddy! *bangs head on wall* + *choke* + *hang myself*"

Shiny is like one of the most retarded person I've ever met in my life (and she would reply by saying the same) I wonder next time if our kids will grow up and become best friends too! wtf think too much or reading too many Jodi Picoult books. Bottom line is this post is dedicated to show how much Shiny means to me although we're not seeing each other everyday now for the first time in 14 years.

I actually have no idea on what to post but I manage to fill the post with you piggo!
I love you forever!
*bangs head on wall til' bleeding violently* *choke on own vomit* *hangs self with own hair*

Oh ya this stupid purple is your favorite color. Yucks.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Jess Can't Stop Being Happy (:

Being happy is a funny thing,
at least for me,
sometimes when I'm too happy,
I tend to worry about having to be unhappy later and that it's gonna suck.
So, I become less extremely happy and just be normal happy,
that way I wouldn't worry so much about unhappiness.

Ya, Jess is weird like that.

So anyways, I don't usually reply tags but since it's my dearest Trace the non-frizz, I gotta do it since she's the nicest girl in the whole-wide-world. Or maybe she just seems like the nicest girl in the whole-wide-world standing beside Shiny.

It's basically just answering a whole lot of personal questions so the whole internet world can scrutinize your preferences and also more information for online-stalkers. You know, the ones who has a crush on someone then google their crushes' names hoping to find any stalker-ish information possible, don't lie you know it very well...

1. 3 names you go by -
a. Loke
b. Piggy
c. HotChick

2. 3 screen names you had -
a. Jess
b. HotChick
c. Sexyboobs316?

3. 3 physical things you like about yourself -
a. HotHair
b. HotLips
c. HotLegs

I just realized the fact that I make me sound like a hotdog.

4. 3 physical things you don't like about yourself -

Because I'm so kind and possess a great deal of positive thinking I decide to change the question.

4. 3 non-physical things you like about yourself -
a. my snow-white-like compassion
b. my snow-white's-stepmother-like evil genius-ness
c. my snow-white's-prince-like charming-ness

5. 3 parts of your heritage -
a. Cina-ness from China
b. Korean-like eyes
c. Mojo always say that our great grandmother is half Thai so that makes us 1/32 Thai

6. 3 things that scares you -

*scoff* Like I'm gonna announce it to the world...

7. 3 of your daily essentials -
a. my GOD
b. my blue-square-checked pillow
c. my ability to self-create happiness

8. 3 things you are wearing now -
a. glasses
b. fake hair
c. a smile!

*sings* You're never fully-dressed without a smile!
Crap this tag is making me crazy and you bored til' wannabe crazy.

9. 3 of your favorite bands or musical art -
a. One Tree Hill music and art
b. Jesus please send me Diana Krall
c. Jesus of course I love your songs too - Hillsong, C3, True Worshippers
d. Weirdly-haunting music like The Bird & The Bee, The Postal Service
e. Britney Spears' comeback
f. Acoustic elevator-like sassy music - Rita Lee, Bossa n' Marley
g. Broadway of any kind - Jesus please send me tickets for Mamma Mia as well

10. 3 of your favorite songs right now -
a. But God - C3
b. Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer
c. FUN - Spongebob

F is for friends who do stuff together
U in for you and me!
N is anyone and anywhere at all!

But I like SquidWood's version better!

F is for fire that burns down the whole town
U is for Uranium....BOMB
N is for no survivor!

11. 3 things you want in a relationship -
a. FUN
b. Love for Jesus!
c. Independence!

12. 3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you

Why is this tag so superficial...

12. 3 qualities that appeals to JesstheGreat
a. Passionate about something
b. Natural honesty inside out (wtf what does this means)
c. Love for Britney Spears Jesus Christ

13. 3 of your [inserts 'unique' this tag is just too boring] hobbies -
a. Dancing like Britney Spears....womanizer oh womanizer oh oh
b. Driving my Wira with the windows down pretending it's a Maserati convertible
c. Watching the Arabian channel on Astro and making up conversations for them

14. 3 things you really wanna do right now -
a. Stop doing this tag
b. Stop doing this tag
c. Stop doing this tag

15. 3 career you're considering/considered before -
a. Policewoman (5 years old)
b. Farmer (7 years old)
c. Scientist (12 years old)

20 years old - No idea.

16. 3 places you want to go on vacation -
a. All over Italy
b. Budapest
c. Bali - to see this old man who predicted Elizabeth Gilbert's future

17. 3 things you want to do before you die -
a. what do mean by THREE?!
b. i've got like a million things to do!!!
c. in the end, spent my life talking about all of that and done none.

So the ONE thing I wanna do is to not do that!

I would like to tag -
a. Britney Spears
b. Oprah Winfrey
c. The Adam's family

Time to go be happy again!
Have a great post-exam celebration, enjoy the first few days of your holiday and whine about the boring-ness of the rest guys!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm Suppose To Be Studying but...

[insert reason here]
It's like Alcoholics Anonymous or any other self-help support group.
You can start with,
Hi, I'm [insert name] I'm suppose to be studying but I'm reading JessLoke's nonsensical-ramblings.

Ostensibly everyone is having their finals, but everyone is on facebook, msn, sky-pee, friendster, maybe still ICQ posting personal messages like -

1. Please study now... I beg myself wtf
2. Please don't procrastinate.... T.T
3. I'm studying now....seriously... T.T
4. Why am I still on facebook?! T.T
5. If you see me online now on msn please slap me.... T.T

Why are people so reluctant to study?
Why do we procrastinate so much?
Why did I use the word ostensibly?!

I don't understand why too,
And this is another thing I don't understand -
my friends say the dumberest things...

Yin :
Eh Bala, what do you all do for Deepavali?

Bala :
What do you do for Chinese New Year?

Yin :
We go prepare delicious delicious food.
Wear red red color.
And celebrate.

Bala :
We also prepare delicious DELICIOUS food.
And celebrate.

Yin :
Eh serious la. How you celebrate?

Bala :
All the Indian in Malaysia gather together and then like..go to this place together.

Yin :
*blind to sarcasism*
How do you go to Deepavali?

My friend Yin thinks that Deepavali is like......a place...

Anyways I'm suppose to be studying right, but my text is too amusing at times. You know how your teacher try to be funny but is not and then she laughs at her own joke? My text book does that, in its own silent way.

So I'm studying this part stating 3 factors involved in liking and attraction -

(i) Physical Attractiveness

Studies shown that people tend to look for partners who appear as attractive as them. And then blah blah blah blah about half a page devoted to this factor.

Just when you think things are going to make a more predictable turn, the book (just like unfunny teachers attempting to make jokes) ends the support with this -

However, physical attractiveness appears to decline in importance when a permanant partner is chosen. Fortunately, there is hope for the unbeautiful among us.

(ii) Proximity - stating that how far apart people live determines liking

Ending with yet another attempt at funniness -

Those who believe in miracles when it comes to matters of the heart may believe that there is a perfect mate chosen for each of us waiting to be discovered somewhere in the world. But, if this is true, the far greater miracle is the frequency with which fate conspires to place this person within walking distance.

(iii) Familarity - increasing exposure to the person itself will increase liking

I promise this is the last one (i didnt alter a single word, its all from the text) -

The take-home message is clear. If you are not beautiful or you find your admiration of someone unreciprocated, be persistent and hang around. Proximity and familiarity are your most powerful weapons!

Cue poms poms and 'YOU GO GIRL' signs!

Why my book trying to be funny?
Not funny lor

I feel so tulan now....

But at least what I'm studying is more intersting than all of yours.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The New & Improved Jessica

Is currently indulging in extra cheesy fatty pizza, as
a reward for being so hardworking, kind, hot and totally amazing.

I finally had a REAL sense of feeling when there was no more deadlines, quizzes, presentation. I used to cringe when I see college kids complaining about having deadlines and being so stressed and all - SO ANNOYING LAR STUPID SPOILED COLLEGE BRATS. Thus, for the past 2 months I resisted (fervently) on complaining about deadlines or weekly (sometimes 'POP!') quizzes.

When I was in primary school, I used to go to school very early - approximately 640am, when class only starts at 730am. I had to because my best friend was Procrastination and I had to complete copy my homework or get caning implemented by Lick Hung's 'Every Teacher Shall Cane Whoever, Whenever, Wherever' policy.

Nowadays, my class starts at 800am and you can see me at McDonalds 715am burying my head in piles of paper and a laptop stealing wi-fi from Starbucks, also paranoid-ly checking the time every 5 minutes. Those McDonalds staff knows me very well - 'The Girl Who Comes Every Morning and Not Buy Anything (Takes Our Free Newspaper) And Steals Wi-fi From Starbucks Because Ours Sucks.'

For the first time yesterday I didn't have an aim for my 4 hours break.

Me 'Hot Chick' :
Eh where are we going for break today?

Farina :
We go eat lunch (at friggin' AC again) then go library lar.

Me 'Hot Chick' :
We are such nerds lar. Do you know if I can't find you around campus the only place I need to look besides the toilet is the library's toilet?

Farina : *laughs like she always does*

Me 'Hot Chick' :
I just realize we don't have anything to do today. We finished our last quiz already and last assignment handed in yesterday after I ran lintang pukang to Ms Kamala's office and made the deadline at 3.59pm.

Farina : *drunk tone of voice*
Oh ya lah.... Then where should we go today?

Me 'Hot Chick' : We go eat (at friggin' AC) then go library lar.

Farina : Oh. Okay.

And then we ended up wasting those 4 hours eating, talking, then google-imaging celebrities pictures comparing who is hotter than who. And also taking a great deal of retarded pictures.

You know you want some....

Hotter than Britney

Ms Khor thinking 'Why are they holding their phones up like that?'

Ms Khor realize she's been stalked and enter Power Rangers mode

Friday, October 17, 2008


I've been a little more hardworking than before.
I've been drinking less coffee than before.
I've been noticing small children a lot than before.

Jess sounds like a pedophile.

That day I was lining up waiting for one of those 'Weighing Counter' in a hypermarket. Those queues are ones that I hate most besides queues at the post office or queues I face every morning in front of the parking ticket machine in SS15.


It is bad enough that every parking machine is so far away in HOT HOT HOT Malaysia! Not only that! It's ALWAYS prone to break downs. Then we have to walk EVEN FURTHER! And if that's not enough, the queue can be so long that I'd even have time to walk to another machine EVEN EVEN FURTHER away and come back. And if THAT is not enough, there will ALWAYS be A PILE OF STINKIN' GARBAGE beside your friggin' machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my original story.

As I was in the weighing queue in the hypermarket, there was this kid in front of me with his mother. This kid, about 5 years old, is super adorable and he was constantly trying to impress another 1 or 2 years younger kid girl in front of him by running back and forth. Out of a sudden he hid behind his mother from the girl. The girl couldn't find him and was calling "Shaun, shaun, shaun".

What happened?
The boy was picking his nose.

I wonder at what age do we realize it's kinda gross to pick our nose in public or scratch our ass or wear shave our head bald.

After the boy finished picking, he didn't actually roll it and flick it like other gross adults do, he left it on his finger and call his mother, "Mummy! Mummy! Look at this!". The mother who was already irritated by his running around then screamed out loud "OH MY GOD SHAUN WHAT IS THIS??!!" Then whack his ass.

There's no moral to this story so don't look for it.

Jess is so bored lar...
Shall update when she finds some inspiration....

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Jess Is Still On Her Raya Break

Get your lazy butt off the couch JessicaLokeLingXin!

The last time I overindulge was on the excuse that I was sick and my brain needed all the rest it can get in order to heal the body so I sat in front of the television and watched the entire Desperate Housewives Marathon on Starworld.

Don't you hate those marathons?
Those that actually make you fatter not fitter.

It's like you tell yourself, "Okay Jessica, this is the last episode, after this you better get off the couch and do your assignments!" And then! 'This last episode' always end in a cliffhanger! Then you say, "If I don't watch the next episode then all the episode before I watched will be wasted!" And then you sit there for another few hours until you take dinner then feel so sleepy after that and go to bed.

Jessica Loke.
Not only did you not complete your assignments,
you also gained another 5pounds.


My new favorite show besides Donald Trump is "Oprah's Big Give"! You guys ought to catch it every Saturday night 8pm on Hallmark.

And then right after the show at 9pm they usually broadcast a really heartwarming movie.

"Oprah's Big Give" is about Oprah giving away all her money. It's a reality TV Show starting with 12 contestants loaded with Oprah's cash running around the United States giving back to the community (whom some refer to Oprah as a religion)

30 Rock -

Tracy Jordan : So, what's your religion, Liz Lemon?

Liz Lemon : Hmm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

Every week the show will highlight some social problems faced by Americans and then Oprah's money coming to the rescue. I guess I really enjoy watching it not only because it reminds me how much I have but also it reminds me of the goodness in people; that humanity isn't all evil and greed.

Many scenes from the show has touched me personally, especially this scene when an impoverished African American lady was told she can have a full cart of groceries for free. She immediately came to tears and threw her hands in the air yelling "This is a miracle! Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah!"

This coming Saturday it will be the finale, I think. Do watch it! And then at 9pm there will be a new Hallmark movie. It will end at 11pm but fear not because you count on E! for entertainment any time of the day; continue having your eyes glued to the television! And television addicts will one day rule the world!

Disclaimer :
Jess is not accounted for any side effects that may occur upon watching too much television. Sekian, terima kasih.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

When Jess Grow Up

She is gonna shave her legs,
slap on some baby oil,

and be a Pussycat Doll.

The Loke family has a great new addition!
Meet my niece!


Okaylah I may have googled that picture because I didn't upload any pictures of her into my computer but Annabelle is adorable like that.

It feels so amazing when you hold a baby so tiny, knowing that someday she's gonna grow up and become a real person. I was really, really, really careful holding her because once I had this nightmare of holding my toddler cousin brother and I accidentally dropped him and he fell onto the floor and literally broke in half, his head like just detached and rolled off somewhere and I couldn't find it!

That is why I would bully all my cousins except for THAT one. I was afraid if I touched him his head would just drop off like that.

It's raining a lot lately.
I like it because I get a free car-wash.

I'm sad because I didn't get to see Shiny (ya that retard one) yesterday because I forgot to turn on my phone (not a really good excuse).

Shiny this is like the longest time we are apart! I haven't seen you in.....................I don't even know how long anymore!?!?! I don't think I remember how your ugly face annoys me anymore and I can't go on life like that.


"I'm ugly and a little retarded"

I feel much better now.

And after not talking to my friends for weeks/months,
this is the first thing they say to me -


Uni people thinks college people are very different from them.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Disturbing Profile Pictures

It feels funny nobody is calling me Loke anymore...
It feels even funnier when people are calling me Jessica...
It feels funniest when people are calling me "Lick Hung girl with the 'A' face"

First impressions are so deceiving right?

Today JessLoke will provide you a short lesson on selecting your profile pictures (what not to select) for friendster, muka buku or msn or sky-pee.

There are a few kinds of profile pictures.

The most common kind are 'cam-whoring' ones.

"The story of 3 camwhores"

"Hi I'm Shiny please be my friend"

These pictures can be identified with -
1. An outstretched arm
2. An angle taken where subject is considered slim and sexy

Most of the time the camwhoring pictures don't really turn out to be what they really want instead it turns out kinda creepy/disturbing and more "whore" than "cam"

Dear Lord I pray that You please don't let the girl in the picture find this blog.

The second kind of profile pictures are webcam taken ones.

"Sorry about the bad lighting but please do divert your attention to my hair"

You know for sure they are taken using the webcam because often there are many familiar furniture in the background or a white wall paired with very unflattering lighting.

The subject will also try to give his or her best smile yet fail anyway and produce a very weird disturbing profile picture as shown above.

Some other more common ones are -
"I Am In A Dressing Room Wearing Expensive Clothes Which I'm Not Gonna Buy"

"Marc & Amanda"

Okaylah, I gotta admit some of them looks hot because or else they wont post it on the internet also right.

Jess is trying to earn some good karma points after all those meanie comments..

Besides that, many profile pictures are trying to prove a point -
"I Need To Show You ____________"

"I Need To Show You I Can Drive"

"I Need To Show You I'm Kinda Gay"

"I Need To Show You This Is How I Look Like When I'm Drunk But You Still Gotta Take A Number Before Getting To Know Me"

Okay I shall continue another edition of this post after you guys mail me more "Disturbing Profile Pictures"
Thanks guys for your contribution on facebook/friendster/myspace.

Disclaimer :
Any pictures that look like any of you guys are purely coincidental/fictional and have no means to tease/taunt/LOL to hurt your feelings.

Sebagai kesimpulan, kita mesti berganding bahu untuk mengepong (??? what's the word for curb) phenomena ini sebelum ia berleluasa dan menjangkiti generasi yang akan datang supaya masa depan kita lebih cerah dan errr..........Malaysia Boleh!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Jess Feeling Nostalgic. Again.


"Traumatize 6E"

"6E 2007 + MingYi"

Guys please stop uploading form6 pictures onto facebook lar....

What is this?! Why am I missing my days in Seafield??!
I've been there for 7 years! Enough is enough!

Every time I chat with Amelia Chan -

"AmeliaChan is the one with the lips"

Week 1 July

"Hey dummy Amy how are you?"

"I miss all my friends!!!!!!!!"

Week 2 August -

"Hey dumbo ChanJiatHee how are you?"

"I miss you guys!!!!!!!!!"

Week 3 September -

"Hey JiatHee your name sounds like a boy how are you?"

"I hate uni I miss all of you!!!!!!!!!!"

I miss PigCousinCarol laughing at my lame jokes.
I miss Shiny giving me *the* look.
I miss Trac having frizzy hair.
I miss Woody being kayu.
I miss Loi growing her forehead.
I miss Amy laughing at everything.

I miss Daisy prejudice-ing against me because I sleep in her class.
And wrote Pn Daisy Duck on my notebook which I passed-up.

"Nerds in the making"

I miss Kang complaining about his baldness in class.
But still continue to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes per day.

I miss Joyce-eeeee squelling Jess-eeeeeeee then brag about how slim and pretty she is.
And I hate it because she IS.

I miss Looi's hypnotic voice that manage to put us to sleep every time.
We did try VERY hard not to sleep but her powers were superb.

"Rachel clearly not thinking about Chemistry"

We spent so much time together! Almost every waking hour most of the days! Rapid KL and KTM became our best friends every Friday when we run for our lives to grab the frontest seat in Mr. Goh's class yet still didn't get an A for PengajianAm (I will remember this for the rest of my life)

"Ung Lee Lan"

I miss us using ONE NIGHT to finish our biology project over webcams (God bless MSN) Not only that! I really miss DaisyDuck separating the 'fantastic four + silver surfer' in the lab and didn't even allow us to smile. I miss her 3 quarters blouse and 3 quarters skirt paired with flat shoes which SCREAMS "I AM PN DAISY"


I miss our LakeView adventures 6 in the morning!
Tracey screaming while we're catching the bees
Shiny yelling at me while I'm catching the dragonfly

"Interesting Bugs"

I miss the soya bean, air mata kuching, machi and porridge stalls at Petaling Street!
The machi toothless grandmother quite old already,
we gotta go back soon before......

"Loi's perky butt in addition to big forehead"

I miss Mrs Gooi and Ms Elizabeth houses...
Funny how we fail to show up there after we got our STPM results....


I miss Old Town Kopitiam every Thursday night.
And the same Berry's American Chocolate cake we buy to celebrate everybody's birthday.

I don't know why but I just really miss everything! It is not the same now and it doesn't feel RIGHT. There is just something missing when I'm with my newfound friends. I can't feel the 'connection' like how we always know what is each other thinking and Shiny will go "You stole my brain!"


"MingSze excited about math"

It's actually "You stole my thoughts!" but forgive Shiny's engrish lar...

I don't really wanna 'make new friends' because in my mind I somewhat confirm that nothing can compare to Form6 and Shiny + Woody 14 years of retardedness. We know each other from head to toe, laugh like crazy in the KTM until some uncle also laughed along, gossipped about our 'enemies' and it didn't take any effort at all because we all share the same wavelength of thinking (with exception of Trace and Woody sometimes) It feels funny having to make an effort now, having to be nice to strangers and trying hard to find something similar.

I never thought I'd say this but -
I really really really miss you guys.