Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Jess Being Plain Jess (seriously plain like white paper)

Not funny one this post, don't read.

So I'm gonna type something real boring but you will read it anyway because you have nothing do as well.

Couple hours ago, Jo, Ben, (they came home after a few hours I did the "Jess is lonely" post) cousin Kit and I was up playing poker. As usual, when someone is winning all the money after about 10 rounds we all start grabbing each other poker chips (scrabble pieces), then throwing them all over the floor and announce that we should start all over again.

Usually I would LOVE PLAYING!
But not this time.
Because THEY WERE PLAYING IN MY ROOM!
STUPID KIDS!!!

But thank God this time we didn't use groundnuts (the one with shells still intact) as poker chips. Because Ben will start eating them and we will end up using the shells as poker chips and still finish the game by throwing it all over the floor.

Wah...
It was in Jo's room that time and that week her hair looks filled with dandruff because of the flaky peanut skin.
hahahahahahaha

Now I'm being emo and nostalgic on whether things will remain the same way. Whether Ben and Jo will still come home and play with me every holiday, whether our holidays will be during the same period, whether we can still laugh ourselves silly and conspire together to bully cousin Kit and get to watch him cry, if we're lucky.

Yes.
We despise guests invading our territory.

And if any of our guest starts smoking in the house we immediately exclaimed "WAH WHAT IS THAT SO SMELLY IMMA FAINT SOON PLEASE CATCH ME!!"
We did the same thing when one of our uncles came to sell perfume to our parents.

Although we enjoy making each other cry then videotape the crying person and load it on the computer and laugh at the cry baby for many, many, many years, we stand united when strangers surface.

I don't feel giggly, sarcastic nor funny.
I choose to blame this on Marie Digby.
Some songs are meant to make you sad.

wtf this post so anticlimax

Friday, May 23, 2008

Jess is Lonely

Poor poor child...
By the way have you watched Iron Man?
I really do love Robert Downey Jr.!!!

Yes, it's confirmed.
Jess is lonely.


Photobucket
Jess is sad.


The SAT exam will be at the 7th of June so I can't quite bring myself anywhere outside my house. I have to stay home to study, occasionally watch a little television (advertisements) (and mop the floor). Mummy is mostly not home, Dumboy and MojoJojo are in faraway land studying, Baba is back to work.

Nobody is there to play with me. Thus, I gotta play Cluedo (a game where you find out who murder Jack with what) by myself. It never turns out fun because I always win.

*sniff sniff*
Just now I watched Gene Simmons it was so funny I laughed but I was alone....



BUT


Jess is always known for her brilliant ideas!


who kill mr barnes?
A fun game for the family!


mummy's preeeciousssssss


This is one of mummy's most precious items in the house, it was so expensive yet she bought it!!! On the other hand, I ask for a new car also cannot.

I think if the house catches on fire, mummy will suddenly become incredible hulk and carry her 3 precious out of the house all at the same time.

Seriously, they are so precious to her that she won't even let me touch it. I can't even pat its head! I patted it one time and mummy pat my head back 10 times hard hard one!

Anyways!
Brilliant Jess and her 3 friends have so much fun together!


curi tengok card orang lain
i think your friend with the long white beard killed Mr. Barnes!


ITS YOU!!! was i look so at awe
YOU SAT YAN HONG SHAO!
murderer in cantonese



Photobucket
Let's watch Astro! Very fun one!




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We even had lunch together!


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Oh ya. That's my face when I discovered my mum was already home watching me.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Jess Steals from MojoJojo

this post is dedicated to one of my avid readers: mrs loke, mother of three. do not underestimate this honorable housewife:

1. she drives better than many men
2. curry chicken, spaghetti, muffin, cake, cookies, etc *drools.
3. she does line dancing (she dances to buttons by pussycat dolls - even i cant do that!)
4. she does tai chi (dont play play, she passed the wooden stick and sword levels)
5. she does yoga.
6. she does prayers recitation with a bunch of women.
7. she plays gin rummy and mahjong!
8. etc.


this is for you mum :)

this is my ah-mi.


this is my ah-mi and my ba ba.

happy mother's day from:



me, your second child. your obedient and smart daughter.



jessica, your first child. your crazy and evil daughter.



benjamin, your third child, your sissy boy.



i dont know why your other two children look like kongsi gelap tai-ka-che and tai-kor in the picture. i know mum, if only they were normal like me. you must be wondering why my picture is so extremely vertical right!


this one lor.

because i took the picture of myself in a mirror in a fitting room. so i edit the picture in paint (see how techno-savvy i am - i use paint) to cut off the part with my handphone.

i think i cut off 70%.

that's why the picture become so like that. i'm damn lame right :( why didnt i ask jess to take the picture? good question. i tried you know mum. long, long time ago. this is how it went:

joanne: jess! jess! take my picture! take my picture!
jessica: wtf. okay. 1... 2...
joanne: (grinning constipatedly) why so long wan? faster!
jessica: wait lah! move right a bit.
joanne: (moves right) uh-huh
jessica: right some more!
joanne: (moves right) already lah!
jessica: okay, okay, 1, 2, 3! nah.




THIS IS WHAT I GOT, MUM. THIS!


JESS YOU ARE THE WORST PHOTOGRAPHER IN ALL MANKIND OK! anyway, i tried to take more decent pictures of us but to no avail. along with that pointless picture taken by jess in her room, we snapped a few others:


jess is bald. jess is bald. jess is bald. jess is bald.






yea, i get it. we're just not very photogenic offsprings you see. but that's okay, we'll snap more pictures when ben and i get back home. i'll try to be my merciful self and not retaliate when ben provokes me. i understand that it's in his nature. i'm obedient >)



ben. hehe.

before i end this post, here are a few facts about your children. remember how all your rotans went missing within 2 weeks? yea, we hid them all. that's why when you asked jess to find it so that you can spank ben she always finds it :D

and we know all the secret places you keep the junk food ahahahahahahahahahha...


we love you mum :) thanks for everything.


happy mother's day from oscar too :D

see you soon mum! back to saving the world >)

- MoJo Loke -

Mojo you look like mummy in the last picture.
AND YOU BETTER COME HOME AND TEND TO YOUR DOG BEFORE I BUTCHER IT!

Baba is coming back this Sunday!!!!
:))))))))))) <--- my double, triple, quadtriple.....chins....

- Jess -

ps - that bald girl wasn't me

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Chronicles of Langkawi - Part 3 - The Bridge Between The Two Mountains!

Wahh why got so many parts I'm sure you all are bored to death.
So I decided to put in a title to 'make it MORE interesting'!



We are so cute!!!


If you have been to Langkawi and have not visited THE BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO MOUNTAIN, quickly go book AirAsia/MAS zero ringgit ticket now and see the bridge!!!

Jess' dream was to visit the bridge between the two mountains ever since watching it on the Travel & Discovery channel, it was still Travel & Discovery then (can you imagine how long ago was it??!)

Ian Wright was talking too fast and Jess didn't catch the name of the place, thus, Jess only knew the place as THE BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO MOUNTAINS.


-Few weeks ago-

*ring ring*

Wood
:
Hey pig, we're going yam char tomorrow to discuss about our trip at Old Town Kopitiam.

Me
:
Hey kayu, I don't think I can make it lar I got tuition.

Wood
:
Oh. Okay bye.

*end call*

*ring ring*

Me
:
I forgot something! We MUST go to THE BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO MOUNTAINS!!!

Wood
:
Huh? What is that? Can eat one ar?

Me
:
That one lah! Got one bridge, and its between two mountains. Very tall one.

Wood
:
OHHHHHH. That one!!! It's THAT ONE right??!!
Die lar pig I dunno what you talking about. Bai.

*ends call*


TELL ME PEOPLE. WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS??!!!

THE BRIDGE! THE BRIDGE! THE BRIDGE!

Carol wants to slap Jess.


Admit it.

You too call it as THE BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO MOUNTAIN!


- talking to some Australian tourist in Langkawi -

Me
:
So where have you been to in Langkawi?

Innocent Tourist
:
Oh we've been up to Mount cchhinnchang, the one where you go up with the cable car, is that how you say its name?

Me
:
OH! I've been there too! Don't worry about the name.
Over here we call it THE BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO MOUNTAIN!
*grins*



Wood trying to find Prince Charming

Wood prayed REALLY hard that she can find her true love.

hehe i love how it looks me in the eye

Wood finally found it in a BIG piece of plastic.

Wood with hair

The bridge works wonders on your hair.



the weirdest street buskers

Benbi amazed by someone other than pig Carol.



And we shall end today's post with

the conservative model versus the open model.

its Pig Carol's own metamorphosis in order to win Benbi back

the conservative model

Pigrol was actually boring and covered her body with her bag.


the OPEN model

To win Benbi back, she threw her bag away and spread her legs open wide.

actually not that wide lah, i think her pants got hole
18-sx cannot show her Hello Kitty panties...

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Chronicles of Langkawi - Part 2

Yes I've been missing AGAIN!!!
You guys realize THIS TIME????!!

the job of a navigator

They wouldn't let me drive so I settled as a petrol pumper...


The great Jess was back in Ipoh to celebrate Grandmother's day. Jess has to be special, she can't just celebrate Mother's Day like you common beings.

On day 2 Langkawi, I woke up 6.39am because Sony Ericsson phones has this weird snooze 9 minutes rule. I mean, why not 5/6/7/8 why 9???

The first words I heard in the morning was Wood complaints that she couldn't sleep all night because I snored.

the 'aftersex' satistaction smile

But Wood still seem pretty happy.
Jess doesn't snore.

the 'lack of sex' face

On the other hand, living thing #2 - Jian doesn't seem very happy...


Actually you guys do realize when you scroll over the pictures, you can see that I left notes uploading the pictures right? Go ahead and scroll over to Benbi's picture, the one from Part 1.
hahahahhahahaha

It was 6.40am and nobody wanted to go down to the beach with Jess. People don't get that the break of dawn at the beach is one of the most priceless moments in life. However, there was one person to accompany Jess Loke! That is her new found friend - Carrie!


Cary the 100 dollars model



Carrie armed herself with a 3000 ringgit camera and went down to the beach to capture the wonders of Cenang. And Jess was her 800 ringgit camera side-kick!


Jess took pictures of her taking pictures!



ITS A HOLE!

In Subang only got pot-holes.

the girl who ran away from home wearing only short pants

Carrie in pajamas.

girl and coconut trunk

As side-kick, I kindly told Carrie the coconut tree she wanted to snap is actually behind her.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Chronicles of Langkawi - Part 1

Yes I've been missing!!!
Have any of you guys realised YET????

The solid proof we landed in Langkawi and not some unknown island



So on the 5th of May, Jess, Wood, Pig Cousin Carol decided to walk on foot to Langkawi, dragging along a herd of Physics Class living things.


Photobucket

Langkawi also got open burning.

Cute little Jess...

Jess the Hottie


Not to forget pig cousin's animalfriend.
I would say boyfriend then it wouldn't be HIM.
He is.....
..............

None other than BENBI!


gay boy single


I tak 'song' with him because he wouldn't stop calling me babi when I'm actually BARBIE.


There are tons of funny stories of course when it comes to the unity of Physics Class living things, a Barbie, piece of Wood and a Pig.

And a Benbi.

Ben and transexual Rol.

The "Benrols"

Please forgive his (and her) abnormality.


We left Wood's house at 9.18am when SOMEONE LIED TO ME AND TOLD ME TO GO TO HER HOUSE AT 8.30 BECAUSE THE FLIGHT IS AT 10 PLUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WHAT IS THIS?!?!??

I ARRIVED AT 8.25AM AND SHE TOLD ME ITS A JOKE PIG CAROL WILL ONLY BE PICKING US UP AT 9.00AM! SOME MORE SHE SAID JESS LOKE IS ALWAYS LATE, LIKE JUSTIFY THIS MATTER NOW NOW NOW PEOPLE WHO ARE READING THIS!


TELL ME JUST TELL ME WHEN DID YOU CALL JESS LOKE OUT AND SHE WAS LATE????


I nearly murdered them on the spot but I figured it would be easier to dispose their bodies in Langkawi by dousing it in alcohol and making a bonfire.

HELP!

In revenge to my plan they tried to choke me.


We arrived in Langkawi International Airport at 1 plus and living thing #1 - Philip spoke very innocently -

"Is Langkawi an island?"


We kindly ignore that question and ran to the toilet and laugh.


In Langkawi we discovered there was only 1 McDonalds and 1 Mamak that's open for 24 hours named Red Tomato. They have this dish call roti milo which look something like this.

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Sorry lah I forgot to take picture so I spray brown paint on a normal canai picture I found online but seriously it really looks like that! It is crispy like roti planta and it tastes chocolatey sweet!

I know! So yucky right!


About 2pm, we checked into a budget hotel named Malibest at Cenang Beach.

MaliGood!

There is something wrong with this pic,
because I DO NOT HAVE A TUMMY!!!

I know again! All the names try to sound damn sophisticated but fail then sound damn weird right?

Anyways it's very nice for a budget hotel and I would definitely recommend it because it's located right in the middle of Cenang Beach, very convenient, and the 6 pax room that we stayed only cost RM180 but we had 9 person inside.

The moment we checked in, it started pouring like nobody's business. So we killed time by playing card games at the lobby.

Blind Man &amp; Cards

The infamous living thing #1 - Philip


But Wood decided her time was best used to seduce leng chai.

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Wood Failed.


When it was sunny again,
instead of going to the beach,
instead of walking around the hotel,
instead of checking out cute guys/girls,

we went back to our room and continued playing cards til' dinner time.

We enjoy playing card games only in Langkawi

3 living things from the Physics Class


Damn no life right?
Play cards cannot play in Subang one.


After dinner, the living things decided to celebrate their manlihood by getting drunk for the first time in their lives.

You can't believe it right?!?!?

First time!
They are like alcohol-virgins!

Celebrating the alcohol deflowering of themselves.

At the end, none of them got really drunk just a little dizzy and tipsy.

ah pek michael

Michael who is already like that pre-liquor.


Sad, sad, sad.

Sad for poor Jess who had to endure their burping throughout the entire night...

Before entering slumber, living thing #1 - Philip who was tipsy and singing some celine dion tunes made his grand appearance again saying -


"Michael, is this dizzy feeling permanent?"

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Hillary Or Obama?



You wait seven years for an exciting Democrat - then two come along at once. Just like buses.
Darryl M, London, England


Obama " *flips hair* hmph! Although I have none. "


So if you have met Jess you know how much she adores Hillary Clinton.


Jess reads her books, watch her interviews, even pray for her in the morning before her big election and forgot about her STPM results.

Okay I will try my best to briefly explain how this whole systems goes. Since January the Americans (and perhaps the whole world) have been observing primaries and caucuses, it will go on all the way til June then the Democrats will pick their nominee which in this case is either Clinton or Obama.

Americans have 2 parties 'kinda' like us which is the Democrats and Republicans. George Bush is a Republican.

Malaysia we have Barisan Nasional and Opposition lor..

How can you not love Hillary??

She's funny.

She's serious.

And even Scary!


So somewhere in late August and September each party will have to pick their nominee already. The republicans have already selected theirs which is John McCain in March while the Democrats are still too busy watching their own Hillary and Obama killing and tearing each other bloody in the wrestling ring waiting for someone to die first.


Pictures speaks a thousand words.


After each party picks their official President Candidate then the both left will battle it out in November to be President of the United States like one of the most powerful people on in the world.

In order to earn the nomination to be the party's official Presidential Candidate, the Democrats' candidate will have to obtain 2025 delegates while the Republicans - 1191.

Each state varies in numbers of delegates. The primaries going on is for those state people to vote who they want to earn those delegates, in other words to win the nomination.



And as you know each time you see Obama or Hillary win each state they will celebrate.

So when I was younger I didn't understand at all, why the heck win already still need to compete one, stupid is it I wanna watch Hannah Montana lar my pappy want watch CNN...

For Democrats they devide the delegates proportionally in the states they compete in, so let's say Hillary won 99% Obama 1% she will take 99% of the delegates available.

Wah so obvious Jess damn pilih kasih...

So until now Obama has 1734 while Hillary - 1597.

But Jess knows Hillary will win!

They say if you vote for Hillary you're racist, and if you vote for Obama, you're sexist.
And if you vote for McCain, you're BOTH!