Saturday, June 28, 2008
Eh joke lar. How can Jess be emo and cry?
That post was like an April's fool joke.
Shut up dont tell me it's June now..
I just have lots to get done and tend to right now.
My sims had twins! Beat that!
Everyone is leaving for uni.
Jess is offically friendless.
Anybody wanna be friends with a 5 feet 3 hottie who thinks she is 5 feet 3 but actually only 5 feet 1 and a half?
But still a hottie nonetheless.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Have you ever felt that you are searching for something?
You kept digging, kept on digging,
you don't know what but you kept on digging,
the hole keeps getting bigger and you fall deeper but you keep on digging,
"I have to find it"
You have gotten way over your head,
and you finally hit something,
but in the end simply couldn't make sense of it.
You put it back down.
Cover "it" the same way you found it.
The time isn't right.
When I started this blog, I've never meant for anything to be personal. I never wanted to give away my inner voice nor bawl about my daily woes. Not that I have much of.
I never wanted to tell every bit and fragments of my life, my celebrations, my outings with friends. Because I never felt fragments of my life could ever mean anything if they weren't whole. Pictures are simply pictures. Smiles simply poses for the camera.
It was more of an outlet.
An outlet for all life's irony.
And crap I receive (with much joy) on a daily basis.
Yet I've done it now.
I'm getting personal.
I enjoy being alone.
Alone with my music, alone with my words.
I rejoice when everything is still and dead.
But I ain't no sadist.
I feel that teenagers are annoying and I am annoying as hell but when I'm near them I'm near myself, and I won't feel so anymore. I laugh out loud and immerse myself in all that laughter losing myself in it. I talk and I talk and I talk, I don't feel that's me but that's Jess. I laugh and I talk and my mind is running a thousand miles an hour but that's not me, that's Jess.
But once I lost Jess, it's me.
I wouldn't talk. I wouldn't laugh. And I just sit still and take it all in, my family, my friends, those bonds, those silent words, it's all them and there's no Jess.
That's when I look down at my own feet, tap it twice on the floor, and realize that is when I'm most alive. I simply am. Conscious.
I've lost Jess and I rejoice.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
School holidays are long over and everything is so expensive!
I'm so happy!
No one is at the mall!!!
But, of course they are still people, but as long as I can still buy RM6 movie tickets with my form5 student ID and roll around on pyramid's floor without tripping over someone I know then I'm happy.
University admission results are out,
All my friends are going off to university/college in various states with Wood being the furthest local one as she decided to stake herself across the sea. Benbi is going to pig his way to Serdang while Pig Cousin Carol is going to dissect corpse in India. Shiny being the weirdest because she is going to shine her light in Universiti Malaya.
But! Shiny being accepted to UM isn't the weirdest thing!
She's going to pursue computer science!
Science related to computers!
She's the person that asked me -
What is an external hard drive.
How to spell gugel.
Who is Bill Gates.
And also which year was Windows 98 released.
Me : Shiny please fix my computer.
Shiny : *Pours water on it*
Spoil already. Buy new one.
But actually lately Shiny has been very emo. She kept saying she's so sad all her friends are going far far away living new lives. She wish that she could stay in Seafield and study form 6 all over again.
Leaving is such a funny thing eh?
If it is with lovers they can say
"Don't be sad! Jika kita berjodoh, we will be together in each other's arms again!"
"Don't be sad! I'm sure when we graduate, we will work at the same place, carpool together, stay beside each other houses and make our children each other's bestest friends too!" "And make them do the same like us! We will never be separated!"
"Yay! Grave also must be side by side!"
Little does Shiny knows I just might appear next to her in Universiti Malaya and the vision of "graduate! same job! carpool! neighbors! children best friend!" will play in her mind....
Heh heh heh...
Guaranteed she won't miss her friends anymore...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I've been thinking little lately.
I just want to play the guitar, write, read and listen to music for the rest of my life.
Yes I will be satisfied having no money.
Yes I will be satisfied if I never succeeded.
Am I to be considered a failure?
So what if I never become a money-machine accountant, a historical filmmaker, a respectable doctor, a formidable politician?
So what if I never play by the rules as determines by the norms of society?
Am I a failure?
If I place my entire trust in God; strumming my guitar and praying out loud every night, regardless of neurologic articles or the theory of evolution,
Am I ignorant?
If I opt solitary over company?
Easygoing over opinionated?
Majority against minority?
ANSWER ME YOU GODDAMN INTERNET DON'T YOU HAVE ANSWERS FOR EVERYTHING???
"round and round is where we go,
and where we stop nobody knows,
a drunken dream or broken seam,
it doesn't matter how you find me"
Leona Naess - Promise To Try
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Jess is suppose to be preparing for tomorrow's (i mean today since it's 2am) Biology class.
Jess is suppose to be unpacking from her Langkawi trip.
Jess is suppose to be doing her college admission essays.
Jess is suppose to be bathing...
Jess is still playing sims...
Jess doesn't pick up phone calls.
Jess doesn't reply messages. (normal lah...)
Jess doesn't go out or comb her hair.
Jess is still playing sims....
Wah! See my poetry skills improved already! I think Langkawi's fresh air is very therapeutic. Anyone wanna go to Langkawi???
I don't think anyone would wanna date me or come to my room now.
Wanna see the proof?
Wow still got chrysanthemum tea in my cup! Yum!
It has been here since stpm...
unknown bowl. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!?!
To make matters worse, Jo had to cut her hair in my room. Yes! SHE CUTS HER OWN HAIR. Some more it's not just trim a bit on the side or whatever. SHE CUT FROM LONG HAIR TO SHORT HAIR!!! Whoever said I'm kedekut for going for rm2.50 haircuts can bla now.
Of course Jo's hair one side long one side short lar, what you expect, but nowadays asymetrical is in style.
Jo : *starring in the mirror*
Do you think people will believe that I had this haircut at the salon?
Me : *busy playing sims*
It's nice lah...
5 minutes later....
Me : Huh you said something ar just now?
-_- i asked if people will believe a hairstylist cut my hair!
Me : *stares at weird hair*
Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.
Maybe they will believe lar, and they will swear never to go to the salon you got your haircut.
So with so much hair and koko krunch on the floor, along with a stinking, rotting Jess Loke on the bed playing sims2, she bids adieu. Anyone who still wants to date her is welcome @ Jessica_2020@hotmail.com
Eh no I not so desperate lah.
The email is for whoever who wants to buy my stpm books...
PLEASE TAKE THEM AWAY!!!
You will get this Amber Loke picture for free! (:
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Don't so impatient for Jess the Great is Here!
So I've been missing only because I was in the great island of Langkawi, yes again I know.
What to do AirAsia is so cheap I feel I rugi if I don't go.
One of the top signs I'm turning into an Auntie hehe.
The great island of Langkawi provides wi-fi with a cost. So I decided why would I wanna pay them to use the internet while I can steal it from some hotel lobby plus occasionally walk to the airport. Other than that purposely ate at KFC for the free wi-fi.
HMPH! YOU PAID WI-FI EAT MY DIRT!
And I've done my SAT!!!
I'm the happiest girl alive!
The only sad thing was that Jo got a telekom scholarship camp at the very last minute and had to miss the Langkawi trip. And that was why I missed the green fest that afternoon after promising darling Ken & Sheena that I would be there.
Jess is sorry............
Anyways I really, really, really love going to Langkawi although I've been there 3 times in these 2 years. If any of you are going and need a tour guide BRING ME!!!!
For now please do not disturb Jess the Great for she is enjoying her holiday; playing sims2 day and night, eating chocolates as if she will never grow fat. (it's quite the opposite in reality)
Woohoo woohoo woohoo.
That's how sims make babies.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
So I fearfully went to the petrol station 1km away. With my car. And because I couldn't decide whether to pump RM35 or RM40, I told the lady RM36. And she gave me a weird stare.
I slowly balet my way back to my car and gently insert the nozzle, squeezing it ever so gently so every drop of the petrol is not wasted for my effort of leaving my house on purpose just to pump petrol.
1.21, 1.29, 1.37, 1.49....
While squeezing the nozzle, I let my mind wander and my mouth drool. I contemplated on whether to get ice cream, but it would beat the point of pumping petrol today to save money, so I decided to only get ice cream when I go to the petrol station with Jo, spilting the Cost and Calories.
The double Cs that are prominent in a woman's life.
Then the owner of Dunkin Donuts must be ecstatic!
4.56, 4.61, 4.68, 4.74....
I wonder how is my unknown geek brother Keith Tay (whom I adopted without his knowledge). He just broke up with his first love. (I don't care first anot don't disrupt my storytelling!!!) And he's dispelling his sorrows by going shopping, cam-whoring and reading horoscope.
Being the sensitve sister I am, I told him to read Seventeen magazine instead.
Eh. Stop being lame.
So I attempted to make him his cheerful geeky self again...
aiyoh i so tired now.