Tuesday, August 26, 2008

TELL ME WHY ???!!!

FIRST A CAT.
THEN ANOTHER CAT.
THEN A MAMMOTH SIZE SQUIRREL.
NOW A BIRD??!?!

ITS FRIGGIN CHIRPING AND FLYING AROUND IN THE HOUSE AND REFUSES TO GO OUT!!!
AND I'M CHASING IT ALL AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A BADMINTON RACKET.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

T.T

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Confession of My Costly Addiction

By now if you still don't know what it is and call yourself Jess' friend you better go bang your head 10 times and jump down from KL tower or the Burj Al Arab (more glamorous not?)

Okay.
This is my confession.

Dearest people, I love you guys so much but I know I've ffk many of you many times during the past 16days.

Actually I always ffk regardless of Olympics right?
Heeee....... I promise it's for a good cause!

----> Jess Loke in London 2012!

Sorry about the supposedly lunch, dinner, yam char, short trips, photos, messages not replied, phone calls not answered (I don't even know where I terbuang my phone actually).

PeiTing I acknowledge it's not easy planning and I really wanna say sorry for missing things yet again. I told you I was available 3 pm Saturday but then right........last minute.......... I found out that the final handball match was 3.45 pm so THAT was the 'important stuff which time can't be changed'.

Jess Loke sincerely apologize.

However the times when I have to pick up cousin from airport, mum from bus station, Jo to bus station, Jo from ktm, those are all true lar.
I also don't know why people want me to pick them up knowing my 'awesome' driving skills.

Sammy I really sorry for not calling, only saw Ken's message later. Hope all is great over at the Big Apple!
Please remember to get me Chuck Bass' scarf!

The worst of this addiction was Saturday during a chess competition.

Omigosh yes Jess playing chess! It shall be in London 2012 as a world-class sport.

Fact is I think God was trying to play some trick on me on that day. I joined this competition because my church mate wanted to join and I can't let her down or Jesus will be sad.

Plus it's call 'Lightning Chess' right? How long can it take?
The competition starts at 1pm and honestly, seriously honestly, I'm not trying to be humble or anything but I admit I really am horrible in chess.

Let's see, I've never won a game against my computer even when the level is set EASY.
Computers are liars dammit, EASY my foot!

I've never won a game against anyone online either.
I always tried to chat saying "Hi! How are you I'm from Malaysia" but they NEVER reply and after a couple more steps they checkmate me and I say "Nice game! (:" which they NEVER reply either and just left the game with the mad asian girl.

Last but not least, I've never won a game against my maid either.
I tell you she MUST have an IQ of 200 something.
I can't tell you how come she's a maid though.

So Saturday I went to the competition arriving with the usual Malaysian fashion of 1.05pm and my competitor was even later than me.
In my mind I was only thinking "Yes, yes! Give me that nerd with the thick glasses and beat me in 10minutes so I can finish early and even drop by Giant to buy popcorn and sweet diabetic drinks before the event begins!" *smiles gleefully*

And then the unexpected happened - I won that quite cute looking guy whom I feel sorry for because I really wanted him to win.

"Congratulations Jessica! Now wait here for the second round."

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!"
"Nevermind now only 1.45pm, if I lose the next match still plenty of time right? I can still drop by Petronas to get twisties"

And THEN, I won the second match.

"Congratulations Jessica! Wow Jess I didn't know you are so pro in chess!"

"Oh thank you I didn't know either"

"It's okay, it's okay Jessica it's only 2.40pm now, if you make the next one quick you still can microwave yourself some fatty junk food before the match begins!"

The next round - "Lose dammit! Jessica Loke if you don't lose now you're gonna miss the match! How can you do this to the great Olympics which you are going to debut in 2012??!"

"Checkmate" "OMIGOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I LOST I LOST I LOST AND THAT FELLA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HIS QUEEN LEFT AND CHECKMATE ME WITH A HORSE wtf wtf wtf I could've won!!!"


"It's okay, it's okay Jessica, now you can zoom home and watch the match and if your country loses then you can cry later." *smiles gleefully again and picks up bag and starts to run*

"Jessica! Don't go yet! You have another match to determine the third place!"

JESUS! IS CHESS MY CALLING??
AM I GONNA REPRESENT MALAYSIA FOR CHESS IN THE FUTURE??!


Long story short, it was 4.15pm and I lost the third placing to another geek with thick glasses.
I got home 4.45pm going 130km/hour and had no idea why the garden pipe is bursting like a fountain and mummy is not home!


4.47pm - after 2 minutes of attempting to shut the water I give up and watch the remaining 10minutes of the game on television drinking filtered tap water.


"at least my team won wtf"

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Jess Telling Grandmother Stories. Again.

Would you rather have hundreds and thousands of pictures/videos captured when you are kid?
Or would you rather keep your childhood no more than a vague memory, a somewhat imagination?


Jo quoted her friend lately in her blog that if something bad were to enter her friend's mind, that friend's mind will go into ninja mode and start picturing sword fights. Jo later said when we were young if something scary were to enter our minds etc ghosts, scary movie, Pork man (that's what we call our butcher) , I would ask us to think of Mickey Mouse.

Heh.


But really, Mickey Mouse was my idol when I was a kid! I wanted to grow up and BECOME Mickey Mouse. Of course, this ambition is still better than Pn Ung's 5 year-old daughter's wanting to be a snow man when she grows up.

SNOW MAN!
If I'm not mistaken, she said it's because snow mans always smile or something like that.


I'm sure she haven't seen this tulan snowman...

"The flowers ain't making me any prettier!!!"

And here again I shall borrow something from Jo's blog, quoting another person, with no intention of returning whatsoever,

"I quote kwanyi: a lake of floating bread.
That line's pretty inspirational. Well, at least for me. It could be a perfect ending for some great story don't you think? Anyway my tortoise Harry lives there. Well, unless he died or something.

Yes, we named him after Harry Potter.

We had it for a few years and then it got too big it couldn't move in the aquarium. So we had to release him at the lake. I swear he waved goodbye. Honestly I still dont know if Harry was a he.

whatever.

Apparently there's a colony of tortoise in the lake. Harry must have been naughty *smirks*

Jess and I once found a jellyfish on the beach two years back (probably 4 years back if you're reading it 2008) at damai laut, perak, and she said
"since our tortoise was named Harry, we'll call this jellyfish Hermoine!!"
we sent Hermoine back to sea with great exertion as we didnt dare to touch it and therefore had to rely on a fragile stick. We later found out she was probably dead as she kept floating back ashore."


Yes. That was my first attempt at saving Mother Nature at the tender age of 16.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Jess Couldn't Sleep...

It's 4.30am now...
I've been trying to sleep for more than 4 hours...

I think I couldn't sleep because I didn't play sims today.

I counted sheeps.
I sang praise songs out loud 2 in the morning.
I sat on my bed and meditated.

I still can't sleep.

My body feels so hot.
I feel so hot.
I feel itchy and uncomfortable all over.
And I've turned the air condition down to 16!

I still feel very hot.
Like fire is burning on my back.

I think I'm having menopause symptoms...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Jess Is Fat-ing

toothpaste for dinner

Credits : Toothpastefordinner


The Olympics!

Please tell me you are watching it, if you're not, lie to me and tell me you are.


Jess is like the craziest fan of the Olympics.
She even once vowed she will join the Olympics.

And obviously Jess didn't make it...

Every 4 years, she gets to sit in front of the 11 interactive channels sponsored by Maxis every waking hour she has and stuff her face with all kinda fat food while vowing to diet and join the next Olympics.

And then again, Jess obviously failed...
Now she's munching on Mars bars to comfort herself...

Now that so many of you guys are staying in hostels, I'm sure you will understand the happiness of coming home especially when your mummy welcomes you with open arms, exempt you from all house chores and make sure you feast on the best home-cooked meals.

For Jess, those moments come often, it is not because she's staying at in a hostel, it's because her siblings and Baba are.

Hehehe...
The innocent bystander always reaps the most benefits...


So I call these big feast moments, "FAT-ing". During the FAT-ing moments, all foods are consider appropriate, even the secret stash of junk food and soft drinks Mamee hides in the store room. Last time she would've chased us around with a rotan if we secretly took junk food.

Not only that, Mamee is also especially happy during FAT-ing. If you tell her you feel like eating chocolate chip cookies, it shall be served in the next hour. Mamee will even ask if Ben's girlfriend wants to come for dinner.

And Ben's girlfriend is like.....staying in Singapore...

On another note, Jo has broke up with her boyfriend. Again. This makes it 5 exes? About 3 break ups this year. I can't help but think that Jo's new hobby is collecting boyfriends like how some of us like to collect stamps.

Mamee is furious because she didn't even know 4th boyfriend is no more boyfriend. And she really like the 4th boyfriend because apparantly his grandparents share the same kampung as Mamee. Mamee and 4th boyfriend talked til' 12am about kampung when 4th boyfriend came to stay with us last holiday.

Get it??
'LAST' holiday...


I really like 4th boyfriend too because he bought me coffee for my birthday which I didn't say thanks for.

I shall say it now.

Thank you Daniel.

I'm sorry you and Jo didn't work out and now you're throwing offensive comments at her like a 10 year old child.

So I'm sure this update has been long and boring enough.
Back to the Olympics!

Please remember to watch out for Jess the Great debut in 2012 Olympics!
Kthnxbai.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Because Jess Is Funny Like That

'The accusation of someone is having an affair with someone'

Ladies and gentlemen, jantan dan prumpuan sekalian,
I have a big announcement,

Jess the Great has learn how to "face book"!

Wow quickly congratulate me!
I'm no longer the ah-po who doesn't know how to use "face book".

Yalar... I know it's not face book but FACEBOOK.
But who really cares lar whether it's mukabuku or muka buku.


Wow muka buku sounds like some exotic getaway like bora bora.
Or perhaps it simply sound like muruku.

You wanna know why I learn how to "face book"?
Even if you say no I will still tell you why.

Because mummy ask me how to facebook because she want to set up an account for herself. So I said I don't know what is this facebook thingy then she whack my head and disown me.

It was also because I saw Pn Looi, my 50 year-old chemistry teacher on facebook.
And also my Pastor.
And also the old-aunty next door with 4 grandchildren.

What happened to the good ol' days of friendster?

Yes. Yes, I know what you want. Go search for Pn. Looi - Looi Chui Yean.
Her profile picture very cute some more, she posing with soft toys.


It was enough of a shock when we browse Pn. Looi's laptop and discovered she MSN!
But after Pn Ung holds prefect meetings on msn I'm not so shock anymore.

Various thoughts pop through my mind while this "face booking" -

"What is this wall-to-wall??! To bang your head is it?!"

"What is this crush send flower thingy??! *click click click* OH NO! I SENT FLOWERS TO SO MANY PEOPLE INCLUDING SOMEONE NAMED FRANCESCA HOLDING HER BABY!! SOME MORE THE MESSAGE IS 'YOU AND I SHOULD.....'?!?!??!?!??!"

Francesca, and Francesca husband, if you ever read this, I promise I'm not pihak ketiga in your happy
family....

"WOW! I can tag a picture of real piece of wood as LeyYeem!"

Besides that, Loi, only your (7.5cm) forehead manage to fit in the tag area!


So really, I really don't have anything to blog about.
I shall now show you some old weird pictures of my weird friends.




" My cousin (the Great Jess) is so cute lar..." By Carol
"I know right! That one I'm pointing at is so ugly." By Jess

"Woody didn't had a happy childhood you see"

"That was what happened to Woody all the time when she was a child"

"Her mummy (and neighbor friend Carol) sits on her"


"So Woody tried to make herself happy by singing 'I believe I can fly' with accompanied actions"

"Woody even did the David Blaine!"

"Everyone is amazed!"
"But PigCarol said so what, when she comes down I will just sit on here again."


"Took me close to 10shots to get this while tourists are standing beside wondering what is the jumping-pic-shot culture with Malaysians."