Saturday, September 20, 2008

It Is Time...

I do realize the fact that I still own a blog.
But my life is so dull I wanna spare you guys the misery.

So SAT is 14 days away, thanks to my dear friend Farah who counts down everyday on facebook. I shouldn't be scared because I've already taken it once before right? But yucks the world is cruel and I'm afraid of taking it again because what if I can't make it AGAIN? I'll be like the biggest failure in the whole universe.

I've questioned my capabilities alot lately especially since STPM and I feel that my nightmares are coming alive to haunt me. I have all these positive affirmations plastered all around in my room, I really did believe in the infinite source of my capability yet failure always rear its ugly head.

I'm constantly afraid.
Afraid of whether I will succeed.
Afraid of whether I am really good enough.
Afraid of whether there are rats/birds/cats in the kitchen.

2am I wouldn't dare to walk downstairs to get myself water no matter how thirsty I am because I'm afraid that 'something' will jump out and scare me.

And then I would hear Pastor Kong's voice in my head "Do NOT be afraid!". It was a sermon he preach long before about a servant who didn't manage to fully utilise his talents simply because he was AFRAID.

The story goes about a man who was going on a journey and entrusted his property with his servants. When he return, his first servant came and said

"Master, you entrusted me with 5 talents. See, I have gained 5 more."

The second one also came and said

"Master, you entrusted me with 2 talents; see, I gained 2 more."

Then the man who had received 1 talent came.

"Master," he said, "I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was AFRAID and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you."

His master replied, "You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest."

Each time I feel afraid, I would hear Pastor Kong's voice in my head "DO NOT BE AFRAID!" And if I do continue to feel afraid, I would see myself as the last servant entrusted with 1 talent yet wasn't even able to fully utilize that 1 miserable talent because of fear.

So many times we give up on doing things because we are AFRAID.

But is AFRAID real?
Will AFRAID jump out one day to bite us in the ass?
Why are we always so AFRAID?

Well, so this post is so cliche and not JessLoke so I'm gonna end it with a corny quote anyways.

"Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try."
Little Miss Sunshine

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