Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Fear

Jessica is lost.
She needs to find her way back home again.

All I desire... Heart after You

Lily Allen - The Fear

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and i want fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And i’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cuz everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers -
But it doesn’t matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And its not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah we're on to a winner
Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I’m gettin thinner

Friday, April 24, 2009

Surviving In A Hostel/Shared-Apartment/(anywhere outside your home la okay) 101

I would like to state that these are all Jo's ideas.

Late at night,
before she goes to bed and when I'm walking around my room deciding what time to sleep,
she will text me and tell me of her daily sufferings,
quite happily I must add.

I sometimes suspect that my IQ dropped a few points after listening to her.



"I brushed my teeth with whitening toothpaste but still yellow. I decided today onwards I brush 3 minutes. But I wear retainer that's why yellow. Sigh. I'm destined to have yellow teeth."

Joanne Loke on her disgust of her yellow teeth



Before I start, let me be emo-nostalgic and re-live my childhood memories for a while.

Today while driving I hear one of those 'recycle and save the world!' advertisement on radio again. My mind flashed back to I think when I was about 10. Me and Jo had just attended one of those 'save the environment' camps at FRIM. And they taught us how to make recycled paper there! So, being a kid and excited by anything we decided to try it the next day at home.

(We waited until mummy left) then we got a whole pile of newspaper, ripped them into many, many pieces. And I remembered the man said the paper must be ripped and soaked in water until it is like pulp right? So, Jess being the brilliant sister, took the blender from the kitchen and stuff all the old newspaper inside.

But instead of being torn into pieces,
got some burnt smell.....
Then the blender stopped making noise.....
Then we decided it's too boring and left everything in the garden and went back inside to nap.

WHEN MUMMY LOKE CAME HOME SHE NEARLY TORE US INTO PIECES INSTEAD.

And that was the last time I 'Go Green!'
hahahahaha


I'm on a mission to pick up all these childhood memories. It's kinda like they are all forgotten until something triggers it and replay them in your mind. I want to jot them down and remember them, so that one day I won't be scolding my child for using my blender to make recycle paper because he/she loves mother earth!

Anyways....

The Loke's Guide to Surviving Outside Your Home!

Number 1 -

Don't leave your things lying around.

Jo :
Because I left my wash-clothes-basin outside, dunno who take to keep all the kitchen utensils. So now I have to wash clothes on floor you know. The fork in the basin rusty already so the basin dirty already, after that I used to rear fish lor. But in the end my fish die also............T.T

Number 2 -

If you lost one of your daily necessities...

Jo:
I lost my nail clipper I think two months already but didn't buy new one. I always wait for my roommate go class then curi curi use hers. hehe. Then I make sure I fold nicely and put back same position. I so guai ma hehe

Note:
guai as in 'well behaved' in cantonese not guai as in 'weird' in mandarin

Number 3 -

When using the toilet, please be polite.

Jo:
Everytime I use the toilet I very polite because I scared got camera in the toilet. hahahaha I also hide myself after I poo very smelly in the toilet so people won't think it's me.

Number 4 -

It is okay if your roommates are lazy, comfort yourself in other ways.

Jo:
3 of my housemates moving out next semester, hopefully new housemates will be better and cleaner. Now most of them don't take out the garbage one so normally only me, fangxin and another girl do. After I take out the garbage, I always secretly do use their body wash to wash my hands to console myself. haha.

Number 5 - last one lar okay

If you are a normal human being and need to release gas once in a while but share a room with someone else.
Jo:
Whenever I need to fart right, I always check my roommates timetable. Her timetable is pasted above her bed, I always check to see whether she's still having class or not before I fart in the room. Or if I accidentally do it when she can be back anytime I will eat maggie mee to cover the smell, but then when she comes back to the room have to offer her one lor... Tell mummy buy more maggie for me please no more already.


These are very practical skills! <- Jo said one.

Happy Friday guys =D

Saturday, April 18, 2009

THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE OMGOMGOMG

I HAVENT CHANGE MY CLOTHES IN 3 DAYS
I HAVENT WASH MY HAIR IN A WEEK
I HAVENT SLEPT FOR MORE THAN 4 HOURS IN 2 MONTHS





ITS FINALLY OVER NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW





ALTHOUGH I DON'T PARTICULARLY LIKE CHICK FLICK NOR CHICK LIT (but I've read 4 of S.K. books and laughed like mad)





I SUCCUMB TO THE IMMENSE STRESS OF ACADEMIA AND WATCHED THIS ON WEDNESDAY AFTER MY PSYCHOLOGY PAPER
Y



I'M NOT SURE WHETHER IT IS REALLY FUNNY OR NOT.
BUT I LAUGHED LIKE A MANIAC FROM START TO FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I THINK I'M GOING TO WATCH IT AGAIN TOMORROW BECAUSE I WANNA LAUGH AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY RATIONALIZE SO MUCH?!?!?
GO WATCH THE MOVIE AND LAUGHLAUGHLAUGH LAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BYE

Friday, April 03, 2009

Jess' Project Journey...

This is an extremely touching story,
unfortunately I've forgotten most of it.


It was Wednesday - 1st April 2009.

I was sitting in the CAE (Centre of American Education / AUP student hangout) frantically typing my psychology project paper. Wait. Not typing lah. Frantically THINKING on what to type about.

I have not bath in 36 hours.
I have not ate in more than 24 hours.
I have not wash my hair in more than.....*calculating......give up* 4 days lah.

My project was due the next day.
I had a quiz on the the next day.
I have the impromptu speech exam the next day.

And there I was in the CAE, still dressed in yesterday's presentation formal clothes but at least changed into a t-shirt I found on the floor (treated somewhat like a floor mat). Can't blame me lar okay, I woke up late that morning and had to run to my car to get to school to beat traffic. Traffic still beat me that day and I was stuck in my car smelling like crap for 1hour.

Sigh.
So sad lar my life.
I've been sleeping in my car for at least 1 hour everyday upon reaching school.
It's REAL DEEP SLEEP, don't even have dreams.


Luckily I still wake up in time for my class...
Hopefully nobody will break up car window someday and shout -
"HANTAR POMPUAN NI PERGI HOSPITAL CEPAT!!!"


Then suddenly I heard somebody AIYERRR damn loud behind me which woke me from my DEEP THOUGHTS. And it happens to be Auntie Dino who is the director of CAE and happens to be my Psychology lecturer and also happens to be one of the weirdest woman you'll ever meet in life. They name her Auntie Dino because she is so technology-impaired.

Dino: Jessica! Go home!

Me: You know it's your paper that left me in this pathetic state right?

Dino: Quickly go home! I'm afraid that fungus will start growing on you!

*she happens to know I haven't bath from the 8am class I had to rush to*


Me: I'm so touched, thanks for your concern.

*and i remain there for another 30mins*

Dino: OHMYGOSH! You're still here! I need some air-freshener in here!


I was so tired.
I can't do any work.

So even when I have a quiz, an impromptu speech exam and a term paper project due the next day, I went for a movie. And picked whatever movie that fit into my schedule. This is the single bravest thing I've ever done for the past few months. And the lucky movie happened to be New In Town starring Renee Zellweger. I mean, how bad can it be with Renee in it right?

It was average, predicatable and that is probably why we haven't heard of it til' now. The only part I laughed was -

Random woman: May I ask you a personal question?

Renee: Wasn't that what you've been doing all along?

Random woman: I want to ask you, have you found Jesus?

Renee: *pause* I didn't know he was missing!

*both woman laugh laugh laugh*

Random woman: *stopped laughing abruptly*
I'm sorry we don't joke about Jesus here.
But it's quite funny, imagine, Jesus missing.....

Aiyah this whole post so boring.
I memang no mood today.

Just now I wanted to eat char kueh teow to reward myself for finally finishing my project today. Then, I went to 2 coffee shops also both char kueh teow stall closed. What is this?! Char kueh teow man strike???

At the end I have to eat mee goreng alone at some random mamak.
Why life so sad.
Faster make me smile now.