Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I Know It's A Little Late...

It's the thought that counts!
Asalkan lambat, biarkan selamat.

Better late than never?

No wonder we are such procrastinators...
We have all these to excuse our behavior!

But then again, maybe there is no cause and effect relationship there but a correlational one..
akibat study too much these days.......
Jess you are so fabulously hardworking!
You shall deserve an ice-cream now!

*goes grab an ice cream and grow 5pounds fatter*
My ambition is to join 'The Biggest Loser' wtf

Where was I again...

On March 1st 2009, this person turned 21.

"i'm single and fierceeeee"

This person is none other than my fabulous soul mate whom share my fabulous name - Jessica Loi Li-Wei. Our names (and also thinking though she denies it) are incredibly similar - Jessica Loke Ling-Xin.

"i'm a goldfish!"

She has been advertising the fact that she is single since 2007 - she requested that I shout out her phone number when I introduced her as President of Sixth-Form Society - yet nobody has replied to her ad yet. (And I can't blame them after seeing that picture)

"Amber Loi in action"

Many people thinks that she is a nerd. And they are right, she IS a nerd. She is the one of the most avid readers I know and whom we all borrow books from and have yet to return, until now - 1.5 years later.

Sorry Loi it took me 1 year to finally finish reading Emily Bronte and I don't plan to read Terry Pratcher because I don't like it's cover yet you told me it's a nice book so I don't know what to do...

"Typical Loi"

First impression wise - May 2006, I thought she looked really old for a 18 year-old and was wondering why is this woman talking so much and so enthusiastic about the orientation activities. Then, the first thing we did together was sing and dance to the song - Stand By Me, in front of about 200 people. *omg embarrassing memories ERASEERASEERASE*

"Please donate some money, I have no more shoes"
I'm serious, she really doesn't own not even a single pair of shoes now.

And though I've only known you for 3 years now, some of the funniest, most insane, stupidest and loveliest memories I have are with you. Meeting 7am at Lake View catch bees while screaming our lungs out, running after Rapid KL every Friday sweating like a pig, followed by running after the KTM with sweat mixed with tears *it was a 10mins run!*, inventing Rapid Penang (oh yes we did!), being a member of the Fantastic 4 aka the 'daisy hates us' group and the most vivid memory I have of you was the moment you stared at my pie chart which flew to the front of the class during Pengajian Am STPM, your eyes couldn't believe what you were seeing, your jaw dropped open and you were perhaps even mouthing OH.MY.GOD.

*sniff sniff* I can't let go of my devastating 'pie chart' memory.

So anyways HAPPY 21ST LOI!
Wow, I didn't mention about your 7.5cm forehead the entire post.

this other favorite person of mine also turned 21 last April the 9th!

I think if I wanna tell you about the stupid things that happen with this girl, I won't finish until next year. So I'll tell you the one most important thing I learn from her.

The other day I asked her how did she celebrated her birthday. And she told me the first thing she did when she wake up was text her mum. Like how weird is that right?! (Maybe to me only lar, the only thing I'll text is - Mummy i'm hungry buy food for me please) Amelia replied, "Of course I have to text my mum! I mean, 21 years ago it was one of the most difficult day for her in labor. Of course I have to text to say thanks mummy and all."

How guilty I felt at that moment.

For once I'm saying something nice about you Amelia instead of decribing your stupidity, happy or not?

Besides the reminder to be selfless and to love my mummy, Amelia also reminded me the fact we all do indeed start out with good intentions. Initially we do start out wanting to perform certain good deeds or wanting to complete certain favors for others. Yet, our thinking will come into play and start providing us with excuse not to do those things. In other words, your 'self' stepped into this selfless thought and made it not so selfless anymore. Finally, we just abandon that thought convincing ourselves 'it's the thought that counts!'

There are so many things that we said we "WANTED" to do yet fail to complete.

Ben : I WANTED to take Philip out for dinner on his birthday.

Shiny : I WANTED to buy something nicer for Philip.

(they bought him a comb and a mirror for his 21st birthday)
Philip : I WANTED Shiny.

The topic has deviated so far away from Amelia.


More about her next time lar.
I wanted to finish up wishing MingSze Happy Birthday too but I'm bored typing now, you're bored reading now and we shall all move on to wasting our lives in facebook now. kthnxbai.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

'The Honorary Title' Drives Your Sadness Away

If up to now you still haven't heard of The Honorary Title, it's about time you start!

They share the style of music with Snow Patrol, The Fray, Mae; the style of music that I like to call - Emo Rock. The kind of music that is your best friend when you're sad; the melody wraps itself around you, comforting you and letting you know it understands exactly how you're feeling and reassure you are going to feel better while gradually building up the strength you desperately need within your broken heart. Eventually, when you feel your pieces are back together again, you shall move back onto Lady Gaga songs.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Jess Holding On...

Upon typing this I suddenly picture Yuin singing -
"Keepppppp holdingggggggggggg onnnnnnnn" in a very off pitch manner....
She is this big fan of Avril Lavigne for some reason; her morning alarm ringing tone is "Hot".

Things have been happening very quickly. Before you have the time to stop and think twice, the moment has flew by. Life doesn't offer you that many chances, so if one happens to bump into you, hold on to that moment with all your might because it probably will never happen again.

Some moments are life changing ones, but you would never realize it at that very moment. Usually the 'enlightenment' only comes when you reflect long after.

Why am I typing such emo things.
I think it's all Rihanna's Hatin' On the Club's fault.

When life gives you lemons,
squeeze them into your enemy's eyes!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jess Emo Listening to Emo Rock

Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

One Tree Hill

If you're not the luckiest person on this entire planet, well, it's okay as well, you got Jessica Loke as company. Consolation lor okay?

I have always enjoy being alone. Doing my own things, reading my own books, listening to my own music. Having company was never a priority, I never did envy those with a lot of friends, because they didn't seem too happy to me anyways. I saw myself happy in so many ways. I discovered joy in little things I stumble upon, on my own, being alone came natural.

Up to the age of 19, I have yet to learn the meaning of being a true friend, a confidant and a pillar of support. I always thought to myself, "Is having a friend that great? How come I never felt that I have even one true friend? Do I even need one?" I'd believe I would make an awesome friend, just that nobody has discovered that fact yet, I haven't truly learn the saying 'To have a friend, you must first be a friend.' I ignore almost all of my text messages, loathe picking up calls thinking how long will I have to speak to the other person, and really didn't like having to dress up, drive out to meet people. Thus, I continue to compensate the lack of company with music, books, and coffee.

I constantly bury myself in school work or extra curricular activities. I go to school wearing a smile, which was genuine. I laughed out loud and pleasure myself in every achievement I make along the way. Yet, I have not found the joy in company until all those roles I play were stripped away from me.

December 2007 was when I finally finish my STPM studies. We all knew there was a LONG............holiday ahead of us because our universities applications results wouldn't be out until June. And I started hanging out with this bunch of crazy, weird, hilarious people because it was such a long holiday! I was so prepared to leave for the states in August 2008 upon handing in my applications in January 2008. So very prepared to leave Malaysia. "There was nothing I'd miss here" I would think to myself.

Meanwhile, having the mentality that I was leaving soon, I decided I should at least maximize the time here with all my friends and family. Answer all my messages, go out 'yam char' every time possible, pick up that phone call no matter how I don't want to, because I will most probably enjoy it at the end.

Turns out, ya, I did enjoy all of it. And most of all, I found those bonds missing all these while in my life. Bonds that give a sense of trust, support and love. Bonds that keep you warm with affections and let you know you'll be missed. Bonds with these people that can make you laugh so hard, you cry and continue to laugh some more until the ah pek sitting beside in the ktm laugh along. More importantly, bonds that open your heart up, encouraging and welcoming more people to gather in this space you once thought limited only for certain things and certain people.

And then,
I am no longer ready to leave.
I feel afraid of leaving.

I thought I was leaving August 2008, yet, my application rejection turned out to be one of the biggest blessing in my life thus far. I know now that I wasn't ready to go, that God kept me here for a vision bigger than mine. And then, I thought I was leaving August 2009. Yet, God has even BIGGER plans for me.

Now I'm in between plan of leaving in January 2010 or August 2010, this time I'm VERY sure it is time for me to go. There is NO August 2011 (Jess entering Uni at 23, graduating at 25). And guys, I MUST go or I can't graduate. (I'm seriously not joking about leaving this time!!!)

So dear Lord, I lay my plans in your hands.
May I always chase after a vision that is Yours,
because I know, Your way is always higher than mine.

And thanks a lot for this crazy, weird, hilarious bunch of people -

You all taught me more in a year than I've learn in any books.

Joanne Boanne Mojo the Salem Witch
BenG my brothor ladaeeeeee
Shiny my sunshiny piggy
Tracey the frizzy who is always happy
Woody my loyal-est buddy
AmeliaChanJiatHee my 'ah ma' the hee.hee.
MingSze 'I've never met a girl nicer and sweeter than her'
Dharshini the hardworking, lovely, adorable hottie
Lovely Pig Cousin Carol who laughs at anything
Loi the (pretty and 7.5cm) forehead
Benbi the babi sister who is secretly nice (secretly a man)
Philip the stick who secretly likes Shiny my pig
LiSan the funny yet serious yet funny one
HsinSian whose courage and boldness I always admired

So even if you're not the luckiest person in the whole wide world, even if the person you love doesn't love you back and even if the consolation of JessLoke's company doesn't suffice, there will always be a bunch of crazy, kooky, weird bunch of people waiting to provide you with all the laughs, tears and stomachache in the world, all in the name of love. If you can't find yours, COME I ADOPT YOU. heh heh heh

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Every Step You Take, Every Move You Make

I will be watching you...................
heh heh heh *rubs hands*

Am I the only one who finds this song stalker-ish?

Every time Mummy Loke leaves us home alone,

Jo will break something.

Like today, when she wants to make instant noodles for herself, she didn't know which way to turn the switch to turn on the stove (how stupid can a person be???!). Thus, she BROKE the knob thingy, AGAIN. (The other one she broke few months ago) And because she was so afraid that Mummy Loke will come back and break her the same way, she attempted to glue the knob back, WITH LIQUID PAPER BECAUSE SHE CAN'T FIND GLUE IN THE HOUSE.

Jo's reasoning:
When liquid paper dries up it becomes hard like cement right? For sure can one!

By the way, Jo is budding lawyer.

After the liquid paper 'dried up', she decided to place it back on the stove and attempted to switch on the stove a second time. Obviously the liquid paper didn't work, and instead of the initial 2 pieces the knob was broken into, it became 4 pieces.

This is a good example of - Tikus membaiki labu - kanak kanak sekalian.

The last few times Jo was left alone she broke the tap in the kitchen. I forgot what I said to her that made her so angry she needed to show her angry by slamming the tap shut. And because she is so strong (she broke the stove knob with only ONE twist) the steel tap broke. Because it was only the first day Mummy Loke left us, the broken tap was left running for 3 days. Jo was adamant and all about 'saving the world!' thus she INSISTED on saving the water with as many buckets she could find in the house. Then, there were so many buckets filled with water in the kitchen that she tripped over one of it, tipped over one of the bucket and flooded our kitchen T.T

Why is my sister like that... T.T

Another time, she broke the flush! THE FRIGGIN FLUSH HANDLE THINGY ON THE TOILET. For the rest of the week, Jo didn't bother flushing the toilet.


Week1 of my 3rd Semester is done with! Only...........14 more to go!
This sem is going to be good!
I have a great feeling about it!

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Jess Back to School!

Back to waking up 6am to beat the traffic.
Back to eating crappy AsiaCafe or cafeteria food or McD (but no more double cheeseburger for 5.95 =( )
Back to a life where baths and showers don't exist.

Eh guys,
last one joke only lar...

Don't lar first thing you see me is ask me whether I've bath or not...
Embarrassing lor...
People beside pinch their nose and quicken their steps you know!

Actually this hols I damn emo lar. All my fellow kawans are still taking their finals; until now that I'm done with my holidays and starting school, they are STILL taking their finals. So besides facebooking, playing friends for sale, reading and catching up on OTH and Gossip Girl, I really don't have much else to do.

Mummy..... I'm lonely! All my friends still having exam! Ben and Jo are not home! I got nobody to play with! I want a baby brother!

Mummy Loke:
PLAY PLAY PLAY, PLAY YOUR HEAD! How old are you already?!?!

I am!
Forever younggggggggggggggggggggggg!

Then when you have nothing else to do at home, you'll make space for emo. Naturally, emo will self-invite itself into your life when you're bored. Then when you're emo more unhappiness will enter and you become even more emo. Then, the emoness will make you want to do nothing else but just be emo. Thus, even more space is made for emo. Emo then gleefully fill every inch of that vacant space. In the end, nothing will be left but emo!

So I go back to school, with a smile on my face. Truth is I do enjoy my classes and work hard for my grades. I love talking to my friends and writting those academic papers. The satisfaction from school pushes emo out of the picture and once again I go to bed every night with a genuine smile on my face. Even if it's 2 in the morning and having to wake up again at 6.

Take my worries and sorrows.
Plant in me new seeds of joy.
For You alone are good.
And I'll always run after You.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Jess is Strong!

credits: nataliedee