Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Live Your Life!

love, laugh, leap!

So this is what Shiny replied -

"Oh ya. i read your post bout FOO SHIN YEEN! sakai la u. What is going in your mind huh? trying to make me emo is it. ISH! EVIL.... yes, stop reminding me why are u still here in Malaysia. But i guess, before long i might change my ques to U REALLY GOING TO LEAVE MALAYSIA? .................. arrgh! i dun want to talk so much here la. We don't need all this soft-talking-sweet-writing thingy right? hahahaha... u know secretly how i *cough* ... you. HAHAHAHAHAHA! shit. Disturbing.

bye."

I'm totally assured that Shiny is gonna be my bestest buddy for a LONG time. DISTURBING.

Deadlines, exams, quizzes are totally pounding at my ass. As I'm typing this now I'm thinking about americanhistory.abrahamlincoln.cubanrevolution.woodrowwilson.panamacanal.

I'm constantly planning ahead, making plans on what to do after this, filling my calender, to-do list, never letting a moment go to waste. My mind has not stop thinking, has not stop planning, has not stopstopstop - I dream of social psychology when I sleep at night. I'm reminded to not let inflexibility of my plans push God aside. As I go through my plans, I'm talking to Him constantly, trying hard to be sensitive to His whispers. I want so very much to just hold onto Him, to hide in His embrace - my source of strength, my joy and my salvation.

He planted this special person in my life - a tangible source of His strength and joy. I can't help feeling bless, thanking Him every morning I wake up knowing the presence of this special person will get me through my 'action-packed' day. I can't stop smiling. I can't stop feeling joyful. I can't stop running. I'm constantly on a caffeine-sugar high without either (60% of the time, please applaud and give me some credit).

People are running around with this deep longing and blank stares in their eyes. They try to fill the void in their lives with drugs, sex, and worldly possessions. They wish so desperately for something to believe in. So they stumble after one thing then another, yet feeling more unsatisfied than ever.

I'm grateful to not be lost.

I'm running this race,
for the One I love.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Foo Shin Yeen


Suddenly I have the feeling I had when I randomly asked ShinYeen,
"What is it gonna be like next year when I'm not around you anymore?"

I asked her that question in December 2008.

I bet she's wondering

WHAT THE HECK IS JESSICA LOKE STILL DOING IN MALAYSIA #%@$%^#$%^@#%^@#^

heheshiny jealous of my beauty

Hi Shiny,

This will be the 15th birthday we're celebrating together. And also the 15th year where I got you nothing because you are someone seriously hard to please because I am so very lazy (your birthday give you face). There is nothing I can tell you here that you wouldn't expect already. You know I love you and will always love you. You know I complain about you bullying me all the time yet I secretly enjoy it. You know when I'm in the states, you will be one of the people I miss so much that I will hide under my blanket and secretly cry.

told you not to copy my answer

I know you so well the same way that whenever anything or anyone happen to cross our path, we only need to give each other that 'stare' to catch what the other is thinking. Right on cue, 5 seconds after staring at each other we'll start laughing like some sakai and other people instead will give us that 'stare'.

hahahahahaha amat mensiasuikan this picture! YOUR IDEA!

You know all my embarrassing little secrets and have continuously announced them out loud to everybody we know.
You know all my nonsensical thoughts and ideas and take joy in reprimanding me in front of everybody.

After 15 years, I have incredibly high self-esteem, am wonderfully gracious taking criticism and am amazingly comfortable being in my own skin because of the training you provided me with.


we need to see kai ma. she emo already.

Fate has it's funny ways. I don't think we'd be even close friends if we weren't placed in the same classes for 13 years because we have absolutely NOTHING in common but the dislike for pets and children. I call you an auntie for watching canto drama; you call me a weirdo for listening to indie music. I think you are secretly in love with me while you think I'm forever living in denial.

shiny bogei

So 30 more years down the road if you're old and lonely (no children mah, plus Chuck Bass will definitely choose me over you), I'll move in together with you and we shall spend the rest of our lives playing wii. We'll fight over which game to play, who got the highest score, and those fights will help us past time. (no life)

Next year will be a tough one for me. Not only being homesick and all but also missing one part of myself that has been there for the past 15years. The part that tells yells at me - what to do, what not to say, what NEVER to wear. Also the part that makes me laugh til' I cry, the part that makes me feel incredibly blessed and most of all, the part that makes me feel very much loved.

awwwwww so sweeeeeeeeeeeet

Sigh. I'm gonna miss you Foo Shin Yeen.
No matter what, I hope to forever be able to call you my 'bestest friend everrrrrr'

Jess Renewed

Let me type one more emo post.
Last one already, nothing left to emo already! =)
PigCousinCarol I promise the next post will be happy-ing and funny til' you roll on the floor, vibrate, and laugh like a sakai.


I'm happy my piggish cousin is happy now.
I'm happy Shiny's birthday is coming.
I'm happy being incredibly busy, even if I'm only sleeping 4 hours a day, I choose to be happy.
I'm happy loving, living and laughing.

When I was upset,
someone told me,
"the greatest things in life happen when you least expect it"

And I know what you mean now.


Today in church I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, like never before. The voice inside keep saying "Don't get tired Jessica, don't get tired, keep going, you got to breakthrough, you need to breakthrough and you will breakthrough to God!" My heart was crying out loud, yet, I know there is something inside of me stuck, unwilling to move.

I have always found ways to justify my actions, my behaviors. No matter right nor wrong. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I have been missing church. Missing cell group meetings. Missing from ministry. It is not that I have backslided *here comes justification* I just find it so difficult - Jo is back, mum wants to have sunday mornings together, dad wants to have breakfast, Jo is back again, oh no another test tomorrow, another assignment due tomorrow, Ben is back this time. It became easier and easier to not go.

Today while thinking about my praise report, I thought of thanking God for my academic results, for never leaving me even when I casually dismiss Him, for His continued presence, for a great, life-changing, service today. Then, when I opened my mouth to speak, the words came out different.

I know the fact that I was in church today was because I promise to be there no matter what. It didn't matter that I haven't bath in more than 24hours (again), didn't matter I haven't complete my assignments, didn't matter I only had 2 hours of sleep, overslept and was running late. And I made this promise because I was touched by a friend I recently met. I tell you, this person is ON FIRE for God. Whenever we talk the topic of God will definitely come up and I would feel so blessed after each conversation. I can literally feel guided step by step back towards Him. It was as if I was buried underneath an inch many inches of dust and each conversation was polishing me, making me new again. I can sense that this person was a blessing from God, an urgent/instant messenger from God - because I've only started knowing her for 5 days now - telling me to get rid of my selfish justifications and excuses, telling me that I desperately need to change my ways.

When I'm done, I realize my spirit spoke on behalf of me.
All sense of pretense, my mountain of excuses, they were all gone.
And once again, it is only me and Him.


Thank you to 'this person', you know who you are.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Jess Needs To....

1. Stop playing sims.
2. Stop playing sims.
3. Stop playing sims.

4. Start on assignments.
5. Start on assignments.
6. Start on assignments.

7. Make sure I wake up at 6am tomorrow.
8. Make sure I wake up at 6am tomorrow.
9. Make sure I wake up at 6am tomorrow.

10. KEEP ON JUMPING SMILING AND SINGING =))))))))))))))

Jess is Too Busy

1. Playing sims.
2. Playing sims.
3. Playing sims.

Here's a picture as update. Nah.


credits : nataliedee