I have not slept for more than 2 hours for 4 days.
I have not rest for more than an hour for more than a week.
But I've completed my philosophy mid-terms and 2 university applications! Woohoo!
It was 6pm. My body has been running on its forth cup of coffee and I have not stop to rest since 2am. I don't like to use the word tired, but I really am tired after not having sleep, not much food; only running on coffee and constant prayers. My final task for the day was a tutoring session then I can happily return and have another cup of coffee and perhaps facebook a little (yay! no life!) then go back to microeconomics.
But while I was in the library discussion room (diligently explaining psychology), KahHo (not my tutee, just a random sakai) suddenly interrupted and said, "Jessica, did you felt that?" I was TIRED, and was gonna smack him if he was pulling another joke on me. Just when I was gonna say something very stupid in return, I FELT IT. The floor was shaking! But my lagging brain was thinking, "Errr... are they trying to test the strength of the building or something....wah something very strong must be pushing the building...."
All four of us suddenly paused as if we were meditating or something. Then he pointed at a picture hanging on the wall and said, "Look, its shaking." We continued to stare at the vibrating picture and froze there. (I think our brains was seriously malfunctioning at 6pm) Until 5 seconds later, finally one of us said, "Err...should we leave now?"
Of course when we scramble out of the discussion room, there was already a crowd at the library entrance. There was panic in the air but a very silent panic. Instantly, I remembered something similar happening 2 years ago or so in KL reported in the news, I guess its nothing big yet my instinct still directed me to get out of the building as quick as possible.
As I watched everybody, who gathered at the parking lot, enthusiastically sharing their own experience; I was thinking at the same time not very far away many are either breathing their last breathes or trapped wondering if they were gonna survive.
Me: Oh no, my books are still up there.
JieYee: At least its only your books, my HOUSE is up there!
(her dorm room is on the 10th floor)
I can't help remembering what Ms. Khor said in psych class that we can be discussing famines or people dying nonchalantly while chomping down on our McDs. While having the thoughts that people are dying, my brain is also thinking this is a waste of time, I need to get back to work! There can be earthquakes or tsunamis or hurricanes but reality tells me microeconomics mid-terms will still be on tomorrow. This will be on the news tonight and we'll all wake up to another day; the people in the Samoan island (Tuesday) woke up to a nightmare of dead kins and flattened houses but its okay, we'll donate 10ringgit to charity, act like we've done our bit of contribution and feel good about ourselves.
No doubt after finishing this post I'll go back to my microeconomics. I'll return to another busy day tomorrow, proceed to read on newspaper about the 8.0 magnitude earthquake with a death-toll of hundreds thus far and another one of Padang's earthquake (the one which was felt in both Malaysia and Singapore). Perhaps watch a charitable concert on mtv few weeks later with short clips of celebrities visiting devastated places and partaking in some 'relief efforts'.
I feel so foolish that my self is so bounded to the world; its responsibilities and pitiless indifference. Lord, I don't know what I can do, but please teach me because I want to do them for You. Please let me take on Your burden and Your yolk and let me be in the world but not of the world.
Tonight before going to bed, let's not only say a prayer for those affected by the earthquakes and tropical depression but also one for ourselves - that we may never be complacent with only saying a prayer and donating some money but always be stirred to do more.