Saturday, October 10, 2009

Jess Doesn't Really Like Driving Now

I think I've spent 5% of my time in the past few months stuck in traffic.
It's not a very happy feeling especially when you're driving Betty - she's a manual.
Today it took me 3 hours to go to Kepong and come back to Subang.

I'm really sad.


When I finally got home 4 hours later after picking up Jo from the KTM -

Jo: Oh man... I'm so tired. Can't even get up from the car seat.

Me: Er. You're still wearing the seatbelt.


I'm really sad because my sister is so 'smart'.
It could be genetical.... T.T

Nowadays, I'm usually in school from 7am until (at least) 7pm. There was one day when I have nothing left to do at 4pm, and I felt weird going home so early.

It has already been a year since I first enrolled in Inti College. I used to just go to classes or wait before my classes start at Starbucks. The only times I stepped into Inti would be for classes or to sit in my corner in the library. Inti felt so foreign, like one of those weird relatives who visit you once in a blue moon. They try being friendly and nice to you, but there is still that 'distanced' feeling you know.

In my mind I thought, "I'll only be here for 1 year, satu tahun sahaja!, then I'll have enough credits to transfer to my dream school". All I need to do is studyworkpray to achieve my 4.04.04.0. So of course I didn't bother making many friends or joining clubs or anything that will 'attach' me to Inti.

(so here comes the expected and corny part of this post)

I finally joined Inti Christian Fellowship last semester, with an extra push from both Alexis and Auntie Dino; subsequently got involved in the committee this semester. Then, finally got our weekly bible study running consistently. I find myself tutoring 3 person this semester (I think I'll definitely score A+ if I have to take PSY105 again because I have to go through the text at least 3 times). I stay back just to talk to lecturers, most of the time I get more questions in return than answers but I still learn more than I ever could just listening in class. I finally got to know all the academic advisors in the CAE; initially my intention was only to have them help me with my applications, but now I just love to sit there and learn from their lives. Being able to step into the CAE each morning and be greeted with smiling faces makes the rest of your day much sweeter.

God rebuked me good and let me know how important it is to engage where He planted me in. His vision for me wasn't to hide away for one year until it's time to transfer; that was my way. We always wish to see our ways as best and all else secondary. I guess many times it is not only choosing our own will over His, but forgetting His ways exist altogether.

At last, I feel settled; Inti feels like home.
Yet, it's my last semester and I'm leaving for the states soon.
Life is ironic eh?

I have been preparing to leave since 2007. Back then, I felt ever so ready to conquer the world, to realize my dreams as a child to study in the states. In retrospect I know very well I was not ready, and if I were to leave back then I can't imagine who would I've become now. Lord, I thank you so much for keeping me here, I understand why now.

Right now, I don't feel like leaving anymore =(
I finally feel settled in Inti and I have to start all over in the states?
Foreign places, foreign faces?
-20 degree Celsius when I arrive in January?
Should I stay until next August?

ahhhhhhhhhhh..............................

*inhale exhale*

Father, I leave all my questions to you, because I know for real now that You always know best. My trust is in You, my Truth can only be found in You. I surrender everything into Your hands Father Lord; not 70%, not 90% or even 99.9% Father, I give you 100% of myself. No matter how painful or tiring it may be Lord, I give you my all, change and transform me completely. Forever and ever Father, let me stand as a witness of Your mercy and grace.

This is my cry,
my one desire,
more of You,
more of You.

5 comments:

Lim Zhen Yu (Amos) said...

hey, I stay in kepong!
ask some advices from me next time and u might avoid some traffic jam..
a lot of lorong can cut through traffic jam in kepong...xD

or maybe can have a tea before going back subang.

good luck for ur everything... especially the 4.0 ! xD

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Simply Jess said...

I had a Kepong girl in my car - Swee Ling - yet still stuck in jams after jams. Ya, I should go look for you to have tea next time. hehehe
Short sem le, no 4.0!
have you heard back from your uni?

kc said...

Less than 2 weeks and this all ends.. :( Time really flies..

Simply Jess said...

hehe why sad face? you'll still come back to school til august for work and kickboxing and stuff wert.