Saturday, November 14, 2009

I'm Gonna Be F.U.N.


credits: nataliedee

*happy voice*
F is for friends who do stuff together.
U is for You and me.
N is for anywhere and anytime at all! Down here in the big blue sea!

*angry voice*
F is for the fire which burns down the whole town!
U is for uranium! Bomb!
N is for no survivors!

*goofy? voice*
F is for frolic through all the flowers
U is for ukulele
N is for nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking. Here with my best buddy!

I kinda feel like I haven't been having fun for a long time.
Like fun, like laughing, like nose picking silly fun.
Instead, I've been burying myself under loads of work.

Last semester, I only have time to think when being stuck in jams or bathing (yes, I do bath!) But now, I have all the time in the world to think. And.....I'm not feeling too good. Free association is happening way too often; I might even be turning schizophrenic. Many thoughts which I've tried to suppress (or repress, Freud help me out here) are beating crazily at the door. And I just wanna retreat under my bed like a scared little girl; I wanna regress, go back being the goofy me before all this drama (yes, Freud, you win with your defense mechanism).

Me:
I must have faith. I must have faith. I must trust You, Father. I'm going to walk on water towards Jesus like Peter. I won't be like Peter, when the wind blows and waves come in thick folds, I won't be scared! I will have faith Lord! I will certainly reach You!

God:
Jessica?

Me:
Yeah?

God:
Have you even stepped out of the boat yet?


All I really need to know
Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've lead me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

Hard to Get by Rich Mullins

"I am Your maidservant, may it be done as You have said."

2 comments:

SAMMY said...

Nice! :D

Simply Jess said...

thanks! :P
gonna meet you in NYC very soon! keep a day off for me! =)