Thursday, December 31, 2009

31st Dec 2009

Today morning, I woke up and looked out of the window -

Well okay, not true, Sophie woke me up, and the window is usually not the first thing people would look at when they wake up right? It's facebook. But isn't that how it is for all those Christmassy movies? People go like, ahhhhhhhh it's so beautiful. But the first words I utter this morning is - holy crap - as I look how heavily it's snowing outside.

Oh dear Lord I'm so sorry.
I've been going on and on about how we'll be counting down at Times Square this year after watching it every year on CNN since I was younger. But after experiencing -17 degree celsius with 35mph wind which blows right through your soul, I have doubts. And it's SNOWING today! Not regular snowing, heavy downpour SNOW! In order to get a good view, you have to stand there from 2pm onwards! It is 10 hours standing in the snow! With a gazillion more people crowded around you, filling up to 10 blocks. All for the 10, 9, 8, 7, 6............... Happy new year! Then, some random stranger hugs you.
I layered on 5 layers, as usual, then went out to play in the snow. And it was beautiful. So beautiful. It amazes me how GOD created something so beautiful like that, but of course, He is GOD! He who is wonderfully creative and ultimately different from all mankind. I laughed and frolic in the snow, becoming a kid again.
So 2009 is coming to an end.
Time for some reflection.
It has ended beautifully for me; all glory and praise goes to You and You only.

Gotta go out now for Dim Sum buffet! YAY! Who says got no Dim Sum here?!

Monday, December 28, 2009

A Brand New Chapter

"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

It has been my childhood dreams to study in the states, I've longed and imagined myself buried under stacks of reference academic materials, writing papers and having intellectual exchange with professors. I've pictured myself in New York (Friends), Hollywood (SClub7), Seattle (Grey's).

But now that I'm really there, I'm still trying to picture myself there. I just can't believe I'm actually there already. (Maybe it's because I'm still traveling in New York with 5 other Malaysians) It just hadn't hit me that I'm already in this foreign land that me, a tiny, short Asian girl, who has gotta survive (and prayerfully thrive) in this land of giants.

I've been here for barely 24hours, yet enough adventures to last for a week. I thank GOD for awesome friends who picked me up from the airport to carry 40kg of my luggages, made sure I'm warm with sufficient winter wear, and cooked a typical Asian dinner with soup! And then also for getting ourselves lost on Harlem streets 3 in the morning, stranded in the rain at 1 degree Celsius lugging heavy luggages, walking approximately 30 blocks in total, setting off the fire alarm at 6am from baking and unclogging the toilet at 10am using instructions from google.

It was pretty eventful for a first day!

Not exactly suffering from jet lag but I fell asleep today in the subway and ter-hantuk my head on some stranger's shoulder. He was sitting next to me listening to some really loud spanish tunes. He turned, looked at me and smiled. For one thing, I think I look really young because at the immigration checkpoint the officer looked at me and asked, "You traveling alone? Where are your parents?"

By the way, thanks so much guys for sending me off. Thanks for all the gifts, cards, pictures, calls, hugs, wishes and prayers. Seriously, thanks so much. Each and everyone of you have a special place in my heart and mean so very much to me. You guys filled the pages of my life with so many colors. I didn't cry at the airport but I did tear up in the plane especially after few of you guys called me. I'll definitely miss you people but I understand how we each have to move on with our own lives. You people have my bestest wishes in your own pursuits and if you are in need of some love, I'm always available. With the beautiful memories you guys gifted to me, I'll start this brand new chapter of my life.

GOD grace is always sufficient. I didn't worry a single bit during my 26 hours flight alone, or freaked out when my flight was delayed for hours. I know, and I know, and I know that I'm safe with Him; that Jesus is taking care of me all the way. Father, I give thanks to the uplifting strangers you sent to help me, for a really comfortable flight, for really awesome friends and for my parents who paid for all my expenses. I surrender everything into your hands - my plans, hopes, and dreams. They are yours and I shall always follow you.

My last look of Malaysia was the MAS hanger at KLIA. hahahaha

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Oh Man... Thanks Nad...

Hooked on you..........hooked on you.............

I cried after reading your card.
Yalah, it doesn't seem like a birthday card!

Thanks so much for the photo and the book, both which I wanted to get for myself!

Thanks so much for being a true friend; one of the few friends I keep in Inti (I notice how often I use this line).

Thanks for layan-ing all my antics in class - my (awesome) singing, babbling, lame jokes and sudden dance moves. No thanks for licking my face! hahahaha

Thanks for listening when I talk about Jesus; for coming to my church conference! *gasp!* It's absolutely a pleasure to be able to share GOD with you.

Thanks for keeping me company through Philosophy class; your smile and greeting early in the morning always cheered up my day :D Your presence and random hilarious comments in class kept me from feeling alone and excited about Philosophy! hehe

Thanks for all the snacks in class; for letting me help peel your hard-boiled eggs for breakfast (how come this doesn't sound right). Gosh, I'll never forget how you always bring a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a knife to class.

Thanks for all the cendol trips that helped cast away the stress given by John Locke and David Hume's philosophy.

Thanks for always making the first move to call me up or to invite me out =) I really appreciate the amusing memories we share. If it wasn't for you, I guess we might not have been friends at all.

Your card speak such nice things of me, and gosh, I really don't feel that I deserve it. GOD deserves all the glory and praise for He is the one who wills and acts His goodness through me. I'm simply living for Him and keeping His will; though falling short at times but constantly striving. In the process, I have awesome friends like you whom He placed in my life to help me out. Believe it or not Nad, you have helped me out so much through the last couple of months.

I don't know why but I can't imagine a day when I go to college and don't get to be greeted by your smiling face anymore. I'll think of you when someone keeps me waiting at the toilet or when I see shoe prints on the toilet seat. hahahaha Your expressions are always so amusing; and your company has always been enjoyable, so much fun, really. Can't stop laughing especially with the addition of Hafizah and Farina.

Maybe I'll welcome you to UNL in August, maybe not, but wherever you choose to be, note that I'll always send my bestest wishes for you. And ya, I love you too dearest Naddy =)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I'm Gonna Miss The Good Times We Shared =C

In Art class, when you did my color exercise while talking about 'the world'.

In Public Speaking class, when we teamed up and conquered 'the world' (and also Ms. Kalai).

In History class, when we share the same answers for the reading assignment,
yet I still got higher marks hehehe also when 'she' ignored the times you raise your hands.

In Macroecons class, when we baked carrot cakes instead of completing our assignments.

In Microecons class, when I didn't have any friends, you came to all of my classes until I found someone I could talk to.


Gosh. I can't believe this morning is gonna be the last time we talk and do dumb stuff for a long, long, long time. WHY ARE YOU GOING TO SWITZERLAND??? I'm gonna emo you for not sending me off when you told me you were gonna since August when Alexis left. I demand that you fly to Nebraska first before going to your college next August!!!

You have been a great friend to me; I really mean that. I do appreciate and note all those times you did things for me even without me asking. You are one of those awesome friends that took in others' interests no matter what you do. Looking back at how much you helped me in those classes we shared, I don't think I could have gotten into the President's or Dean's list without your help.

Hafizah once whispered to me, "Jessica, you know what is the secret to succeeding in school? It's having friends." Immediately, it's you who came to mind. I didn't get to tell you because Hafizah told me that while I was frantically coloring my artwork minutes before its due with Mr. Bad breathing down my neck!

Eric Lee Chan Yu was pretty right when he noted how different we are. You're an action-packed, always on the go Advertising major while I'm a contemplative, philosophical Psychology major. Perhaps its the complementary nature of our friendship that makes things comfortable and easy.

And your freaknomics is still in my car! I meant to pass it to you but forgot. You see, it's like that with us. Times with you are too comfortable; even this morning seemed casual. We had breakfast, played stack em' and talked like we're gonna have another semester in Inti. The feeling only sunk in when you hugged me before you left in a hurry =C I nearly cried but the waiter was staring.

My dearest KC Hong, I'm gonna miss you. You are one of the first few friends I have in Inti. The new semester is going to be different without you around asking me whether I paid my parking; I'm gonna be using a bicycle in UNL. Nobody is going nag me about not eating anymore (maybe Alexis lah). Enjoy your Europe tour and all the best in everything you choose to do. It remains my daily prayer that you will be still enough to feel GOD's presence; He loves you and has always been looking out for you like you have been for everybody else.

Alright I guess that's it for now (before I start crying), remember to take tons of pictures and post them up facebook! Emmanuel :)

Thank you, Amos :D

This is for yourself too! hehe

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Shiny, Shiny, Shiny

Shiny just realized that I am leaving next week.
She is crying now as we speak on MSN.


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Wa-

ayyyyyyyyyyy to New York City.
I'm gonna spend half of Christmas night in KLIA.
Perhaps I'll catch a glimpse of Santa while looking out the window.

It frightens me to be able to say, "I'm leaving next week."
It frightens me to hear people say, "Oh no, I won't be able to do this and that with you already."
It frightens me to think how many more times will I be cooking maggie mee for my brother when he comes to bug me in my room at 1am.

Well of course I know there is Skype, MSN, Facebook, but I also know fairly well things will never be the same.

I won't have to wake up 6am to drive Betty to school anymore.
I won't be alerted by Mr. Eric's loud knock on Betty's window at 730am.
I wont' be able to sit in the CAE and hear Auntie Dino's loud guffaw.
I won't be watching Nad peel her hard-boiled eggs for breakfast in class or prepare her peanut butter sandwich while listening to the lecture.
I won't be able to go for yamchar sessions with my form 6 kakis.
I won't be able to spontaneously call dummy Amy out for breakfast.
I won't be having white coffee at Kheng's on Saturday mornings with Mummy Loke and Jo.
I won't be able to get nescafe tarik for RM1.60

The list is endless!

I'm terrified of leaving yet GOD never fails to reassure me everything is going to be alright,
when I get homesick late at night
when I miss having bak kut teh
when I'm awoken by a nightmare of feeling alone

I know that I'm still physically here but one part of me is already leaving; it is trying to save me from the pain of leaving in KLIA. But the other part of me is trying to stay, no matter how painful it may be, because though it is more difficult, it is the right thing to do.

Father Lord, enable me to still be a blessing to the people around me while I'm still around. Help me let Your unfailing love and grace flow through me and reach out to them. Help me talk, laugh and fellowship by Your spirit. Do not let me get too tied up being anxious or busy with preparations for this transition. Help me serve Your people here in Malaysia. Let me draw strength from You for You are ever faithful. Reassure me that I'm not alone because I'm taking this journey with You.

And help me let go when it is time for me to leave.

Convert 21 years of my life into 46kilograms?

Sunday, December 06, 2009

I Need Thee Every Hour

I believe there is indeed something amazing above us :)

Happy Birthday MojoJojo!

You're 19! How come after so many years you're still only 19??

Although I haven't got you anything in the past few years, you know I love you can already right? hehehe The gift shall come when I come back from the States in 2011. teeheehee
Have fun and keep growing, I hope your POW plan is working. Let's make supper later (:
I think your POW plan is working on me instead. But its okay, obese is the normal weight in America. hehehehe I hope you fai kou jiong tai and xue ye jing bu (canto + mandarin; the canggih Cina). Get better grades maybe can escape working for Telekom for 8 years. Be good, email me always and remember to read your bible everyday. May the Lord smile upon you everyday of your life and may His joy finds a place in your heart (:

Thursday, December 03, 2009

A Thank You Note

To express how much you're appreciated and loved (:

Amelia Chan Jiat Hee.Hee.Hee.

Thank you for waking up at 6am today morning.
Just to accompany me for my visa interview.

Thank you for not panicking (unlike me) upon founding out that SMART tunnel is closed due to the heavy rain when it's the only way I know how to use to get to the American Embassy.

Thank you for diligently looking out for road signs and landmarks while we were stuck in a jam on some 'we don't know what highway' when I was panicking from running late.

Thank you for being so random to admire Diplomats' residence while we were lost hunting for parking lots when I was PANICKING from being 20minutes late for the interview; the fact that you were so RELAXED helped.

Thank you for running with me all the way to the embassy; in those shoes, through mud and rain.

Then, thank you for waiting outside the embassy for more than an hour with no reading materials (you dumb dumb didn't wanna take the book I offer you) and no handphone (you dumbdumbdumb left it in my car). On top of that, having to stand with an umbrella because the benches outside are dripping with rain water. Omigosh, THANK YOU.

Thank you for sitting in the car patiently while I enjoy my adventures of driving around KL city center with no idea where I'm heading to whatsoever. Just love watching the people, the buildings and the wonderful little things that make us so Malaysian - little stalls by the road, old worn out buildings next to modern skyscrapers.

Thank you for being awesome company when I was adamant of exploring all four corners of Petaling Street, on foot, under the awesome Malaysian sun! I'm so gonna miss this heat! Gonna miss that old machi lady, the soya bean, the place we run pass every single week rushing for tuition. Not gonna miss the KTM though!

Thank you for forcing me to drive to the clinic, no matter how reluctant I was, to get my jab. Then, thank you for sitting beside in the clinic attempting to make me feel less nervous. And thank you for NOT videoing it!

Thank you for carrying everything and also pushing the trolley - when I proclaim that I shall not use my left arm for the rest of the day due to the jab - while stationary shopping in Mydin.

Thank you for directions from 20,000 over kilometers away.
Thank you for all the shopping for my stuff and helping me so much with this transition to my new school.
Thank you for being the awesome person you are as usual (:

Thank You for leading the way when I'm absolutely clueless where to go.
Thank You for easing my anxiety and assuring me it's going to be okay.
Thank You for people like Chan Jiat Hee and See Tho Wai Kuan; their friendship testifies Your love in my life.

I'm undeserving yet You poured such Grace upon my life.
Life is awesome in You (: for You are the giver of truth, eternal life.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Well The Funny Thing Is...

I was standing on lower ground! Really!

Both letters from Binghamton and Cornell came on the following two days after I made my decision to go to UNL.
Binghamton acceptance package is the weirdest thing I've ever received.
And I stopped reading Cornell's letter after the words "I regret..."
It was signed personally by the director of undergraduate admission - Jason and well...well....guess what's his last name - LOCKE!

I bet my Father is still laughing now looking at my -.- expression =D
And, oh well, I might as well laugh along (:

Look like heart-shape kah?

What is addiction?
You know you're addicted when you're staying up to 4.30am for IT.
You know you're addicted when although you had only 5hours of sleep since 4.30am, your first thought upon being abruptly awoken is about IT.
You know you're addicted when you're leaving messages about IT in people's blog's chatbox (please refer to specimen A on the sidebar - Jo)

Hehe. Brother ladies.........

I spent the last weekend with my siblings. We hardly got together since Ben left for Singapore in 2007 and Jo for Malacca in the same year. We were stuck to spend quality time with each other when on holiday in Perak with no internet access; but lucky us, our wonderful parents blessed us each with a laptop, so we play Warcraft Tower Defense for 2 days straight - in the hotel room, while traveling home on the highway, then back in my bedroom until 4am.

We are fighting monsters!

Of course, we occasionally (once a day - requirement by Mummy Loke) stopped for a breather and stepped out of the hotel room to walk around at the beach. We built sandcastles/pyramid/round lumps of sand, pushed each other on the swing til the person falls off, had running competitions (which all of us fail to complete) and went jelly fish hunting.

I are caveman.

But during the last day on the beach, while enjoying the sea breeze sitting on some big rocks, Jo dropped our hotel card key. And we proceed to scream and stare as the card slides down between those big rocks into the sea. Next, we only had one thought in mind - "Who's gonna tell Mummy Loke???"

A scene I won't see for some time.

Fortunately, Mummy Loke was in a good mood from observing the Loke kids frolicking on the beach. hehehehe Or else, Jo would now be suffering from beach-rocks-hotel-cardkey-phobia.

I watched Mulan today with my other half of 15 years - Shiny girl! Choice was between Mulan or Phobia 2. Observing the fact that Shiny was grabbing onto my hand (and me grabbing the stranger beside me) when Mulan's friend got murdered brutally, I'm pretty glad we didn't choose to do something 'special' by watching Phobia. hehehe

Mulan was funny! It's not a comedy, but it's so funny! I don't mean it in a bad way, the movie is not bad, really. Although I complained about falling asleep when the actors start speaking too fast in Mandarin (having to read the subtitles fast is not fun), I laughed, laughed, laughed through so many scenes! Perhaps it's because of Shiny lah, we always share the random-est comments. Remember Vantage Point and Hairspray?

*Mulan's dad talking to her while preparing to enlist in the army*

Mulan's dad:
If one day you observed that there is one extra star in the sky, then you'll know that I've gone to meet your deceased mother.

If there is one star less leh, means what?

I think we were the only sakais laughing in the cinema lah...

Sometimes the lines can be predictable but the storyline is really interesting and there are somethings that they said that pressed on my heart. I don't remember the exact lines but it's something like that -

Once we put on the battle suit, we don't belong to ourselves anymore but the will of the nation, to fight and persevere regardless of our own opinions or desires.

Instantly, my mind went to GOD; that once we clothe ourselves with Jesus Christ, we don't belong to ourselves anymore but the will of our GOD. Day after day, I constantly remind myself that it is not about me, it is about Him and His great plan of salvation. We are the soldiers of Christ and the fact is - It is all about others. We are servants of His Kingdom; and a servant is without a personal agenda. On this worldly battleground, we need to pray to do the will of our Father every single day; to be sensitive to His whispers and gentle nudges.

I've finally bought my flight tickets; I'll be leaving on the 26th of December 1230am. It's basically like Cinderella, attending some Christmas ball then when the clock strikes 12 gotta run to the airport dropping her contacts while running (because we don't use glass slippers). If you ask if I'm excited or afraid to leave, I'll tell you I'm afraid of clicking the 'confirm booking' button itself. I get really emo sometimes late at night but talking to Him helps a great deal. I've come to truly believe that with GOD inside of me, I'm gonna be alright.

So every night before going to sleep I empty myself before Christ of my thoughts, desires, convictions and thanksgiving for the day. And every morning I wake up rebuking all worldly worries and nagging burdens, and take on Christ - His Will, His Love, His Grace. He's on my mind constantly as I go through my day.

Is this addiction?

Ask me personally and I'll tell you (: