Saturday, December 12, 2009

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Wa-

ayyyyyyyyyyy to New York City.
I'm gonna spend half of Christmas night in KLIA.
Perhaps I'll catch a glimpse of Santa while looking out the window.

It frightens me to be able to say, "I'm leaving next week."
It frightens me to hear people say, "Oh no, I won't be able to do this and that with you already."
It frightens me to think how many more times will I be cooking maggie mee for my brother when he comes to bug me in my room at 1am.

Well of course I know there is Skype, MSN, Facebook, but I also know fairly well things will never be the same.

I won't have to wake up 6am to drive Betty to school anymore.
I won't be alerted by Mr. Eric's loud knock on Betty's window at 730am.
I wont' be able to sit in the CAE and hear Auntie Dino's loud guffaw.
I won't be watching Nad peel her hard-boiled eggs for breakfast in class or prepare her peanut butter sandwich while listening to the lecture.
I won't be able to go for yamchar sessions with my form 6 kakis.
I won't be able to spontaneously call dummy Amy out for breakfast.
I won't be having white coffee at Kheng's on Saturday mornings with Mummy Loke and Jo.
I won't be able to get nescafe tarik for RM1.60

The list is endless!

I'm terrified of leaving yet GOD never fails to reassure me everything is going to be alright,
when I get homesick late at night
when I miss having bak kut teh
when I'm awoken by a nightmare of feeling alone

I know that I'm still physically here but one part of me is already leaving; it is trying to save me from the pain of leaving in KLIA. But the other part of me is trying to stay, no matter how painful it may be, because though it is more difficult, it is the right thing to do.

Father Lord, enable me to still be a blessing to the people around me while I'm still around. Help me let Your unfailing love and grace flow through me and reach out to them. Help me talk, laugh and fellowship by Your spirit. Do not let me get too tied up being anxious or busy with preparations for this transition. Help me serve Your people here in Malaysia. Let me draw strength from You for You are ever faithful. Reassure me that I'm not alone because I'm taking this journey with You.

And help me let go when it is time for me to leave.

Convert 21 years of my life into 46kilograms?

3 comments:

Lim Zhen Yu (Amos) said...

oh i think i see ur drawings.

Alexis said...

His grace will be more than sufficient. Take time to do what you really want to do. Half your luggage is with me =) Remember to bring your fav softie or pillow.

1 more week.

Simply Jess said...

Amos,
ya! my beautiful highly priced (at least by me) drawings. hahahahaha

Alexis,
Amen sister! Time is running out. Meaning I can only fill half my luggage?