The new semester has started. I have a feeling that a new battle is starting.
I'm feeling the weight of my workload and constantly am questioning whether I'm able to handle it all.
What am I talking about?!
Of course I can't!
I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all."
I've been having the time of my life this past month. Although I was terrified about leaving Malaysia, I'm feeling right at home here in Lincoln, Nebraska. The first few weeks at a new place, meeting new people, there is always a 'break the ice' conversation. The one which you struggle to think of anything possible to ask the other party so we won't have to face the awkward silence and look everywhere but the person's face. The most common question people will ask you is -
So, why Lincoln? Why Nebraska? Why UNL?
Me: Lincoln picked me.
It reminds me of times people proclaim, "I have found GOD!" It gets me a little irritated when I hear people say that. I really want to know, what does it mean when people say, "I have found GOD!" What do you mean when you say you FOUND GOD? Was GOD buried underneath your pile of dirty laundry? Or was GOD hiding from you? Was GOD lost? NO!
HE has been here all along. HE has been searching for you. You were lost until HE FOUND YOU! He found you because HE love you so much that HE didn't give up on you, and HE STILL IS PURSUING YOU!
I am able to pray because GOD is helping me to pray. I am able to sing His praises because He put songs in my heart. I am able to do all things I'm doing because His hands are guiding me.
Jesus picked me. He found me.
Frankly, I want to yell when people call me religious. I am not religious. None of this is my own work. NONE OF IT IS MY EFFORT. School work, participation in ministry, relationships with people, and my personal relationship with GOD; it is all His works evident in my life. When I worry, He comforts me. When I grow weary, He carried me. Fact is, I'm bankrupt, and He is all I have. All the glory and praise goes to He who lives in me. Jesus, I my cross have taken, All to leave and follow Thee. Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou from hence my all shall be. Perish every fond ambition, All I've sought or hoped or known. Yet how rich is my condition! God and heaven are still my own.
Song lyrics - Jesus paid it all Jesus I my cross have taken
This is one of the hardest class I'm tackling right now - Women in Contemporary Society.
I'm not complaining about the exciting loads of readings I have to do for the class; but I do find it difficult as many theories and explanations provided goes against my beliefs.
On top of that, I have not taken an Intro. to Sociology class to give me a good ground work for Sociological perspectives and terms. I'm building my house and laying its foundation at the same time, yay.
Ultimately, I can't stop laughing at some seriously idiotic statements made by some sociologists.
"Thompson (1992) argued that eating problems, rather than "disorders", is a more accurate term. It does not locate the source of the trouble in the individual, as disorder implies. Indeed, she argued that eating problems may stem from rational choices (such as the choice to become less attractive to lower the chances of being sexually victimized)."
Alexis: Is that what you're trying to do?
Me: For the gazilion time people, this is my winter storage! :D
Me: Heys! I just got my phone number! And guess what, I have unlimited texting!
Tutu: I have LIMITED texting, so don't text me!
Week 2 (almost) in Lincoln, Nebraska, and I'm lovin' it :)
Like in Singapore how both parties (caller and receiver) get charged when a phone call is made, in America, both parties get charged when a text is sent. But with an unlimited texting plan, my texting is already paid for, so I'M GONNA TEXT ALL OF YOU GUYS! :D
If you think -6 degrees Celsius is cold, imagine -6 degrees Fahrenheit.
Well, this is a picture of Siberia, but it looked like that when I looked out the airplane window on the way to Lincoln, Nebraska, but without the hills. It is mostly flat lands here, that's why the wind chills are SCARY!
It's pretty weird that nowadays, the first thing I do each morning is check the weather for the day and the temperature then. But honestly, once it hit -5 degrees Celsius, anything else below feels the same. It just feels like you're living in a fridge.
Snow, snow, snow! Everywhere!
I see snow pile up everywhere in Lincoln; Alexis is having all the fun in the world pushing me into the snow whenever there is a big pile close by. Those are piles as tall as one story buildings!
The people in the university said that this is the coldest winter in 20 years; it is not usually cold like that. Nevertheless, they gave us a 'warm' welcome, literally. Fill us up with (free) hot meals and drinks.
Leaving New York was like leaving Malaysia for the second time. I repacked all of my 'treasure' accumulated for 21 years into 2 suitcases of 46kg and lugged them down the streets of New York, through the subway. IT WASN'T EASY. I was going to call the cab, but Sophie wanted us to exercise (or maybe tear a muscle) and save $60. Man, if it wasn't for GOD's help I don't think we would have made it to the airport with 60 over kg of luggages.
My flight was a LONG and eventful one! I had to fly from JFK Airport in New York to St. Louis, Missouri then from there to Chicago O'Hare Airport, then fly to Lincoln, Nebraska. In between NY and St. Louis, I had a 7 hours transit. And since it was between 11pm to 6am, the city is close, I could only hang out at a bagel shop at the airport, the only shop opened 24hours there.
Thank GOD it was one of the few airports that had free wi-fi! But as I was going to facebook my time away, the bagel guy strike up conversations after conversations. Usually I would enjoy conversations with others, but it was 12am, I was tired and sleepy after being at JFK since 5pm, not to mention I was a small little Asian girl in the airport with few others.
But...we got to know each other anyways (more like I got to know his life story) then at 3am I thought I could finally be alone. Then! Came another Vietnamese dude who needs help with an officer because he couldn't speak English. He spoke limited Cantonese so I manage to understand him a little with my TVB Drama Cantonese training. Just when I thought I will be left alone again, the Vietnamese dude decided to be friendly and bought me a drink from the bagel shop and started talking to me. AHHHHHHH. So, I got to know his life story as well...
Time didn't fly by with 2 dudes telling me their life stories. It lasted the longest time possible until it was 6am to board my flight to Chicago.
One of the things I did most this past month is going through security checks! I went through those checks before boarding a plane, at the transit, going in Times Square on New Year's Eve, visiting Statue of Liberty and the list goes on. And it's not fun during winter because you have to peel of almost every layer on you - jacket, coat, scarf, belt, watches, shoes..
I miss the times in Malaysia when we can just say, let's go out, then grab our keys and wallet and go. Here, we have to make sure, MAKE SURE, we have everything before going out or we are gonna become blocks of ice. Every time I see a glove on the street somewhere, I label it as - TRAGEDY. Your fingers will seriously turn blue without a good pair of gloves. I experienced that, it scared me that I couldn't feel my fingers for quite a while. I think it's worst than sticking your hands in a bucket of ice, because the temperature is -25 degrees celsius. Alexis leaves our ice cream outside the window to keep it frozen.
Anyways, so, I arrived in Lincoln Airport at 1030am, thinking where has the plane flew me to while looking out the window. I seriously thought it was a cloudy day while looking out of the window in the plane until I saw roads on those 'clouds'. I went to the baggage claim area and couldn't find my luggage because it appears that the lady back in JFK tagged my bags wrongly! Next, I waited and waited and waited and NO ONE CAME TO PICK ME UP!!! I remember clearly filling up a form for a university rep to get me, but nobody came for the poor little Chinese girl T.T The airport was tiny, with few people. It was cold, and the snow was pouring outside. Not having a phone, I attempted to use a pay phone with the nickels I have in my pocket. But, I COULDN'T OPERATE THE PHONE. Perhaps it's because it has been a gazillion years since any of us have to use something like that.
In the end, I resolved to borrowing a stranger's phone to dial the only number I know - Alexis' hahahaha thanks lah friend :) I may not fully comprehend why GOD placed us back together but I'm glad to have you to kick start this new chapter with.
Life has been good here; GOD has been awesome as always. I praise and give thanks to GOD for this safe and good journey. I have absolutely no worries; strangely, I am more at ease compared to the times back in Malaysia. I don't feel homesick. I miss you people, ya, I really do but I know all is good with you guys back in Malaysia and that is good with me. A friend I met from Indonesia said she is foodsick, not homesick! I miss bak kut teh!
Classes will start on Monday, I'm EXCITED! I'm wondering what GOD has in store for me this 2010. No matter what, by faith I shall pursue His will and His ways; walking by faith and not by sight!
I stood in the freezing cold for 10 hours with various body parts of mine trapped between various people.
Come next year, let's go back to watching CNN with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin lah...
I think I finally understand why the people on television look so happy after the countdown, because they have been waiting for 10 hours for that and they finally get to go home! In the freezing cold! In rain/snow! In need of the bathroom! After the party is over, there is not only all kind of garbage lying around but also many bottles of 'unidentified yellowish liquid' in them. Ew.
I entered 2010 with an incredibly heavy heart; I couldn't go crazy jumping around shouting happy new year to random people. Just so many things on my mind. The colder I feel, the more I think of the homeless people around New York City who are not only without homes but without coats. I can't imagine how they feel. I'm with 5 layers and it's TORTURE when the wind blows right through you.
They were playing 'I Gotta Feeling' by BEP. And as they play, these headlines on CNN just grips my heart.
We have all fallen short of the glory of GOD; the crown of His creations sinning against each other and being sinned against. People just thinking of living it up for the day - drink, get drunk, get laid, just satisfy and gratify whatever YOU want first. It's just horribly sad the way we live.
I let go for a moment, told myself to just let go and party for a while.
Can you party with such lyrics and headlines flashing through?
Tonight's the night, let's live it up.
Two killed, four injured in Detroit fire.
I got my money, let's spend it up.
2 killed in Afghanistan.
Go out and smash it, like oh my god.
Americans less hopeful about future.
Jump off that sofa, let's get get up.
Deadliest's year in Mexico's war on drugs.
Lord Father, I'm not sure what I can do to help share your burden but Lord I'm willing to be use by you. I pray to do Your will only and Your good works where You've planted me in. Fill our streets, our cities, our nations Holy Spirit; we are in deep need of Your guidance and compassion. Do not let us pursue short-lived happiness, but grant us Your joy - a feeling that is beyond all circumstances.
Eric Lee Chan Yu once gave me an analogy of the difference between happiness and joy - happiness is like a puddle; once you step on it, it's gone. But joy is like a big lake, even if a big truck comes, the truck is just gonna sink into the depths of the lake.
I'm not saying that if only people received GOD all will be good with their lives. I'm not saying if a person suffering from poverty receives Jesus, he will turn into a millionaire the next day. GOD is not a fairy-godmother.
I'm saying that with Jesus comes hope, comes peace, comes love, comes joy - the big lake that will sink any gigantic lorry in your life.
My best friend is my blue square checkered pillow =)
I love coffee and music.
I enjoy wearing the same t-shirts and jeans.
But more than anything else in this world, I love God, my Lord and Savior =D I live in Him and He in me; I love Him for He loves me and died for me even before I knew about Him. I strive for excellence in life as a servant of His Kingdom. All the glory and praise belongs to He who lives in me; Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
"That's the thing about a human life - there's no control group, no way to ever know how any of us would have turned out if any variables has been changed."
"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."
Elizabeth Gilbert 'Eat, Pray, Love'
"The sky knows when its time to snow Don't need to teach a seed to grow It's just another ordinary miracle today"
"Life is like a gift they say Wrapped up for you everyday Open up and find a way To give some of your own"