Saturday, June 04, 2011

Crossroads

A few days ago, I met a 15-year-old girl whom I've not seen for a year. The first few words that came out of me was, "You know, the later years will be easier. Now, it's bad. It's terrible. But later, it'll be better." There were no replies, just nods. So I nodded along, and said, "Yup, so you may go back to do your own things now."

I don't think I'm cut out to be a counselor.

When I was 15 or 14 or 16 or 17, I was constantly wondering what sort of person did God made me to be. There must be a purpose for my life, a purpose worth pouring my life into. I thought to myself, only a few more years away and I'll come to know the person I am and my purpose in life. I looked forward to getting older, and older and older.

I'm still looking forward to getting older.

I guess I finally come into terms that I will be constantly discovering who I am in god. This journey will be long and maybe hard but I'll never be alone.

I have been upset about not being where god want me to be. Not doing what I should. But my friend Sophie snapped me out of it. "What's all this 'should be' talk? Our god is immanent. He relates to you now, as who you are, not as how you were before, or his dreams for you to be his daughter that best represents him in your world. He wants you to know everyday of your life that you are not alone. He wants you to be happy, to thrive."

"Don't be too proud to allow our god to lavish his love over you."

Oh Lord, I pray for this reality to illuminate my spirit.